5 Tips to Ace Back-to-School Season

Hey, it's 2017, and welcome back to the goings-on of my brain.

As a teacher, going back to school triggers a lot of emotions that aren't present in my non-teacher friends' lives, and this is certainly not a complaint, as having the summer to spend with my family and baby has been incredible, to say the least.  It's more like a feeling of empowerment-and-readiness-to-take-on-the-world-which-will-likely-be-diluted-by-the-time-Christmas-rolls-around, but let's stay positive, people!

If you search the inter webs, which on any given occasion can be a dangerous thing to do, there are a lot of people out there with feels about back-to-school mayhem.  As I have a lot of experience with school (I mean, I AM going to be in school for the next couple of decades...) I figured this would be an appropriate time to share some advice with you, be you a nervous student, anxious teacher, giddy parent, or neutral observer.  Without further adieu, here are five things to keep mind of while preparing for this oh so magical time of the year:

1. Teachers are not the enemy.
Parents, this one's for you.  Thankfully, I have had few negative run-ins with parents over the years, but they exist, and trust me when I say they are more emotionally draining and sleep depriving than even the most obnoxious of students.

Something about this generation (no, Millennials, this isn't actually a jab at you) of PARENTS has me quite perplexed.  It seems that there is this notion that the teachers who are there to educate, inspire, and sometimes -GOD FORBID- discipline your perfect cherubs are somehow culpable when said child gets into trouble.  I know I am not a parent of a school-aged child yet, but I have been unnecessarily antagonized via e-mails and phone calls enough to be able to suggest a better way to go about student-teacher conflict.

• STEP 1 - talk to your child about the situation, and most importantly, know that this is ONE HALF of the story, and chances are, the least mature/honest half.  Not trying to diss your baby, it's just science.
• STEP 2 - Approach the teacher in a neutral and friendly manner.  While you are responsible for your precious baby (or two, or three, etc.) remember that they are responsible for dozens, possibly hundreds of students.  While your child is important to the teacher, they are not MORE important than any other student, or the greater good of all students, so try to at least understand that perspective when communicating with them.  Side note: the teacher is much less likely to get back to you ASAP if you appear rude, snarky, or aggressive when contacting them.  Speaking from experience here, people.  A concerned parent?  I'll hear you out.  Angry parent?  No, thanks.  I'll wait for you to simmer.

• STEP 3 - Make every effort to really listen to what the teacher is saying, and try to paint a picture of the full situation.  Remember, you know your child better than the teacher (I hope...) and you will have a better idea of what is going on, but only AFTER you get both sides.  Please know that the teacher does not hate your child, and does not wish them failure; it's just not a part of who we are or what we do (if you're in teaching for the right reasons, that is).  Keep an open mind, and try to listen more than speak.  You were given two ears and one mouth for a reason, use them in that ratio.

2. Be cool.  Be YOU.
This one's for my students.  I have found a new resurgence of the importance of this mantra after a recent school project was assigned regarding advice to your senior self.  After I shared an alarming amount of pseudo-embarrassing senior pictures of myself on social media, I found that it was just as relevant as it ever was that we need to care so much less about how we are perceived.  Social media, the news, cliques, magazines, advertisements and bullies all try to control how we feel about ourselves, and once you relinquish their ability to have that control, your possibilities are endless.  I know that it is much easier said than done, but I can't explain the liberation you will feel once you stop caring.  To put it in perspective: Do you know what sucks temporarily?  Insecure people making fun of you because, well, they're insecure and probably jealous.  Do you know what sucks permanently?

Regret.  

Regret for not standing up for someone.  Regret for not pursuing a hobby.  Regret for hiding who you really are in favor of who you think people want you to be.  It sucks, guys, and high schoolers are right in the thick of it.  Kids are struggling to define who they are, and people are jumping down their throats left and right trying to manipulate and belittle their self-image.  If YOU are the champion of YOU, and can see that people only bring you down as a temporary high for themselves, YOU will overcome the negativity.  And probably be way cooler than them at your 10-year reunion.

3. A little goes a long way.
This is a shout out for my teacher friends.  Save for the year I was long-term subbing and living with my parents, I don't actually LOVE staying later than contract hours.  Once you have a spouse and/or children, it's hard to be apart from them any longer than needed because of work.  I get it.  Humor me, though, and think about the most inspirational teacher you had.  I know you have one, we all do.  It's why we've taken this burdensome task of educating with pride, and forged ahead.  Did that inspirational teacher leave every day at the bell?  Did he or she repeat the same exact lesson plans year after year, with no diversity or expectation of change?  Did they spurn creative questions and hinder any attempt at healthy, educational tangents and teachable moments?  Did they consider you "just another number", and never cared about your personal growth alongside your academic nourishment?  Chances are, the answer to most if not all of these questions is no.  That's why that teacher rocked.  What I'm getting at is, as I'm sure you know, we have the power to change the world.  To inspire.  To prepare.  To challenge.  Sometimes, the only way this can be adequately translated to student populations is to give a little bit more.  Stay a bit later.  Care a bit more.  Volunteer a few more times.  Attend a couple more school events or games.  You know your children and your spouse, and you know what they need and can live with or without, regarding your work schedule.  While always keeping a healthy family life at the forefront, try giving more to your students in ways that are meaningful to them, but doable for you.  I promise, you won't be disappointed.

4. Empathize.
This kind of piggybacks off of point #4, and is definitely for errbody.  When something goes on that is unexpected, usually unfavorably so, before you react, think: "Why is this person acting this way?"  Unfortunately, in the middle of a lesson, we don't get much time to think before we have to react to a problem until the entire class is derailed, so this might have to take some time, and pattern-scavenging before the answer is realized.  From my experience, people who consistently act out are desperately seeking attention.  Realizing that isn't very helpful, but understanding why can be.  When we put ourselves in someone else's shoes, we are able to better rationalize their behavior, which can make or break your relationship with a person.  From my perspective as a teacher, it's simple: it's not about power, it's about understanding.  As soon as you walk into a classroom intending to be judge, jury, and executioner, you've lost.

Let me be clear: the ability to rationalize one's behavior rarely makes their actions excusable, and you may still need to be firm and deal with consequences.  However, in going forward, you now possess information that will allow you to better control, and possibly event prevent future instances of the offending action, and that makes all the difference.

5. Checkpoint!
Say what you will about teachers and their "measly 180 days of work", but until you've walked a mile in our orthopedic shoes (usually it's about five trips to and from the copier for me) it's not a fair assessment.  It is a long and often arduous journey that feels like it will never end, and goes all too quickly at the same time.  My point?  It can be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so I try to pace myself and go month by month, sometimes even week by week if I need to, with various checkpoints of freedom.  For example...the first checkpoint might be (if you need it) Columbus Day.  "I've just got to make it to Columbus Day, and I'll be fine".  Checkpoint #2 is Veteran's Day or Thanksgiving break, followed by Christmas break, and by that time we've already put in four months and the year is almost half done.  Maybe this works better for some than others, but for me it breaks what is surely an unmanageably long year into manageable bite-size pieces, and that my friends, works for me.

I don't claim to be perfect.  I know I don't have all the answers, but I feel like I can view school from multiple angles, and offer what is hopefully some useful advice that provides some clarity and objective points of view as we all embark on this exciting, but surely exhausting, 2017-2018 school year.  Whether you be student, parent, or teacher, I wish you the best of all things this school year, and don't forget to get that b#^&% a yellow binder.  (see below if you're confused)

Five Reasons Why Pokemon GO Isn't the Antichrist

Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, there were two children who grew up from humble beginnings.  Just about all of their technology was a hand me down, and likely a generation behind, but that did not stop them from enjoying what little they had.  The really cool Game Boy Advance came out, and guess what these two children found whilst garage sale-ing one hot, summer day?

Yes, that's right.  NOT a Game Boy Advance.  It was new, who in their right mind would give it up at a garage sale?  It did force people to pawn off their old OG Game Boys, though, so each child received a hand me down, beat up, but workable portal of electronic dreams, complete with games such as Paperboy, Mortal Kombat, and Contra.  Life was good.

Then Pokemon came out.  The children realized they HAD to have the games.  They watched the show each morning they could, and were instantly entranced by the little pocket monsters.  The young girl got Pokemon Blue, while her older brother got Pokemon Red, once they had saved up enough money of course.  These were the first NEW games for their Game Boys, and boy were they excited!  They even found a way to be able to share, and trade the Pokemon that they caught!

If you haven't already realized, the children are my brother and me, and we lived our modest Pokemon dreams fiercely until, like most children, other things in life got in the way.

Fast forward about 18 years and Pokemon GO comes out.  Are you kidding me?  This game gives you the opportunity to catch Pokemon in your own backyard?  Sign me up!  As with everything that gives some immense joy, however, there is another soul-sucking percentage of the population which has to demean and criticize what others are doing rather than minding their own business (click here for more of my thoughts on that), which has finally prompted me to share with you "Five Reasons Why Pokemon GO Isn't the Antichrist"

1) It's attempting to get people out and on the move.

   The whole point of Pokemon GO is to get outside and move.  If you're new to the game, read up on it here.  While yes, there are ways you can play while as a passenger in a vehicle instead of walking/biking, or more creative ways of cheating like this, the premise of the game is to get people out and interacting with the world while enjoying what was likely a childhood pastime.  I mean, let's be honest, if this game didn't force people to be outside and they were instead at home behind computer screens no one would give a damn about it, but because it has become a public phenomenon, all of a sudden everyone has an opinion on it.  I don't remember the average American posting memes and being up in arms when college students were dropping out because they skipped class to play World of Warcraft all day.  Yet this harmless, kid-friendly (and did I mention FREE?) app has the Poke-haters' panties all in a bunch.  What gives, world?

   I know what you're going to say.  "Harmless?  I think not!  People are blindly walking into the streets, getting hit by cars, getting in accidents left and right, and we are putting our children in danger of trespassing and potential encounters with child predators."  There's one thing I can say to really address all those points at once and it's this: teach your children to not be idiots.  Kids can learn- I know, I do it for a living.  If your kids know not to run into traffic, or trespass, or commiserate with strange people, they won't do it regardless of if a person, game, or sign prompts or invites them to.  Regarding vehicular accidents?  Well, let's just boil it down to anyone playing Pokemon GO in the car and getting into an accident because of it was probably bound to get into an accident anyway.

2) It's  kind of brilliant.

   I remember a few years back, my husband was playing something called Ingress, which was also an augmented reality type game.  He explained it to me, and it sounded so fun!  It, unfortunately, did not come on iPhones, so I jealously watched him play on his team and try to "take over" landmarks in the town.  It seemed like such a blast!  Mixing that concept with a well-known and catchy 90s game that had developed and grown over the last decade wields Pokemon GO, and I am actually surprised that this idea hadn't developed sooner.

   The idea of going out and "catching them all" is a riveting one, and one that got so many people intrigued that it currently is the most downloaded free app (beating out apps like Snapchat and Facebook) and also the highest grossing app (beating out contenders like Candy Crush and Game of War).  Some true-blue fans are upset that the game deviates too much from the original, which having played the original I can attest to, but I'm not at all butt-hurt about it.  The nature of this game is so different from the original that it can't really be expected to mirror it.  It's also not made by Nintendo, a point that many stockholders are bummed to realize, which likely contributes to some of the differences.  I guess my point is if you want to play the original game, that's what the original game is for.  This version can't properly address the points of an augmented reality game effectively without also compromising some of the traditional aspects of the original game.  Plus, it likely wants to separate itself, and let's be real: trying to turn a profit (which it seems to be doing quite well) is a factor, too.

3) It's no worse than the other games or activities in which the "haters" probably indulge.

   Let's be real, here.  You could say "Why do people waste their time playing Pokemon GO?"  but insert just about any game or activity in the blank and you could justify why it was stupid.  Point being, we all have different tastes in how we choose to spend our free time.  Some find it a waste of time to work out, some think quilting is a dumb hobby, and others believe the Candy Crush games are utterly pointless and stupid.  They are all right, and they are all wrong, depending on who you speak with.  My philosophy on this is much like my philosophy on doughnuts: in moderation, they are ok!  And it is so true.  No one judges POGO haters for what they do in their spare time, so why all the backlash for POGO players?  Oh, because it's public.  I see.

    This hurts my 11 year-old heart.  :(  It's not even so much because this criticizes the game, so much as it unabashedly demeans those who choose to play it.  So it's stupid to play POGO, but cool to lounge in your PJs and play Criminal Case behind a computer screen all day?  Pokemon Go is stupid, but golfing in 90 degree weather drinking beer and and getting sunburned for six hours is cool?  I'm not condemning any of these activities, but the point is that this childish rationale of what is "stupid" can be applied to anything; it's just about perspective.  Everyone has hobbies, and some of your friends think those hobbies suck, and some of them think they are great.  Let's all play nice and not make fun of what others choose to do with their time.
   I have seen and experienced what I like to call PokeShame.  This is when, while playing POGO (usually at a well known PokeStop or Gym), you see or are approached by a person or persons, so you casually hold your phone by your side as if you're not trying to get a super potion, three Poke balls and a Razz berry.  Be proud of your Pokemon quest, young friends!  There is (or should be) no shame in taking advantage of a clever, and harmless app that thrives with imagination!  Again, I did use the word "moderation", so while I don't condone the 24/7 sitting by the gym defending it and wandering around streets aimlessly with no consideration of others, the occasional POGO session is by all accounts, a refreshing and healthy break from reality, which is what a good game should be.

4) It's collaborative.

   I watched a set of parents go Pokemon hunting with their kids the other day, and I thought it was darling.  News stories have covered local gatherings of people who plan Pokemon hang outs at specific times.  Siblings, friends, and significant others can go on walks together capturing Ratattas and Pidgeys.  Life is good, friends!  For once, interacting with others in a video game actually requires you to interact with them!  I don't exactly see the harm in this.  Oh wait, do you actually like getting Candy Crush invitations and FarmVille requests?  Oh, then by all means, carry on...

5) It's allowing 90s kids to live a dream they thought was only attainable from behind a screen.

   Again, I feel like I know what you are going to say, "That's the point!  All these damn millennials are walking around with their faces buried in their screens with no regard for the world around them!"  While that's not exactly a glowing review of how one should probably play the game, the point is that they aren't explicitly behind the screen anymore, but focused on what's in front of the screen, which is the real world!  There's just an animated Charmander there, too

   The bottom line of this point is: who wouldn't want to live their childhood dream?  Girls who played with Barbies always wanted to be the Barbies.  Boys playing with Ninja Turtles wanted to drive a Turtle Van and fight crime like the TMNT.  We all had childhood games we played, and childhood fantasies that went with them.  So now we get a taste of our younger selves' dreams, and you're going to write and share memes that criticize use for wasting our time?

   Do you know what I think is a waste of time?  No, you don't, because I generally don't post about it.  Your business is your business, and mine is mine.  I guess I would have just thought more of my social media peeps than to bash and belittle people for playing a game that is so innocent and rooted in childhood fantasy and play...and actually tries to motivate people to get outside for once!  The same people that find fault with this are the same ones that likely say "This generation never uses their imagination to play outdoors.  When I was young, we didn't have cell phones and had to make up our own games."  Well, now we can have the best of both worlds, and people are very quick to criticize.  I do wanna be the very best, people, and I do wanna catch 'em all, but your snarky posts and holier than thou memes make me feel like a heel for wanting to spend my free time doing this while I take my hella-cute baby for a walk.  What gives?

   Save for a few crazies in the group of POGO players around the world- which you'll also find in just about any other hobby- we're really not a bad bunch.  We don't hurt people, we don't fight (unless it's a Pokemon battle in a gym), and we certainly don't criticize you for your hobbies.  So please, before you share that snarky meme or post about how stupid and time consuming this hobby is, take a step back, determine if every single minute of your day is spent productively, and then reconsider.

Sincerely,

A budding Poke Master

"Life is Hard": thoughts from my 8th graders and things I no longer have time for...

...like figuring out how to properly capitalize the rest of that title.  I must have tried it at least three different ways before I just gave up and succumbed to uncapitalized letters.  Whatev.

So yeah, it's been awhile.  Despite what my husband believes, I don't actually enjoy making excuses, although I tend to have more than my share of them.  Here are the excuses, er, reasons I've been absent these past few months:

• Full time job
• Beginning my school's musical
• Christmas concerts galore
• Buying a new house
• Moving into said house
• Taking a psychology class online
• Studying for said class' midterm and final
• Preparing and proposing my thesis for my graduate degree
• Being pregnant

One of my 8th graders said what we're all thinking the other day in class, and I have to echo her sentiments wholly, "Life is hard".  I can't remember exactly what we were discussing to make this realization hit her hard enough to vocalize it to the chorus, but it got a chuckle out of me, as I sarcastically responded with something akin to, "Yes, my little chickadee, life as an 8th grader is really difficult, but I assure you that your life gets no easier than it is right now."  She, and the rest of the class looked at me as though I had just replaced all of their Christmas gifts with coal, but despite our significant age gap, I do remember what 8th grade was like, and it did suck.  However, if I could take the bills, loans, paperwork, spam mail, and money problems in my adult life and swap them with my junior high cherubs' woes of gossip, friendship, missing the bus, forgetting homework, and relationship drama, I would do it in a heartbeat.

While I didn't have the time to go on a motivational speaker-like tangent at the time, there have been at least two different occasions where this story has come up these past few weeks, and I figured now was the best time to tackle the issue.

Newsflash: life IS hard.  It's probably the hardest thing you'll have to do, like, ever.  The other thing to be aware of, though, is that you are ultimately in charge of it.  I think too often we (and I am definitely included here, given the excuse-making scenario above) tend to place blame on so many external factors when things don't go the way we want them to.  While, yes, sometimes things get in the way and it is a perfectly justifiable reason for things not going to plan, when this happens again, and again, you need to ask yourself if you truly are the butt of some cosmological joke where legitimate issues ALWAYS prevent life from going your way, or maybe- just maybe- you are subconsciously making excuses for why things didn't go the way they were supposed to.  Perhaps, you are getting in your own way more than you'd care to admit.

Maybe this doesn't apply to you, but at times it certainly applies to me, so I have done a little soul searching and am attempting to make the most out of my time.  In preparation for a new year, I have compiled five pieces of advice for you to take into 2016.  Maybe you don't need all of them, but I'd encourage you to at least check them out.  While we always want things to go smoothly, it's often the more turbulent moments that we gain the most wisdom, so I'm hoping you can take some of my turbulence and learn from it, so that you can have a happy, healthy, and productive New Year!

STOP PROCRASTINATING.  As a high schooler and college student, this was an acceptable trait I possessed, and the excuse "Well, I work better under pressure!" was cute.  Now, in my late 20s, not completing things in a timely fashion or with my best effort is neither cute, nor acceptable, and I have had to face some consequences this year for my less-than-adult-like behaviors.  Nothing huge, but big enough for me to take a look at what I was doing from an objective perspective to see that I was ultimately the cause of my own turmoil.  I'll address this more specifically later, but proper time management is HUGE.  This is information that, as a mom-to-be, all of my mom-friends are sharing with me left and right, and while I'm sure I won't properly understand it until I have my child I'm doing what I can to be proactive about my time now.  And let me tell you, it makes a difference.

TAKE IT EASY WITH SOCIAL MEDIA.  The older I get, the less this social media experience makes sense to me.  "Mrs. Willis, are you on Tumblr?  Do you know what Tinder is?  What about YikYak?"  No, no, and no.  Seriously?  This is what you do when you get home from school?  See what others in the world are doing?  How is that even satisfying?  I am guilty of the occasional Facebook stalking as much as the next person, but at least these are people I know.  I felt the same blatant distaste when reality shows like The Real World, Survivor, and Big Brother started coming out.  While they are all entertaining I'm sure, let me break this down for you: You are literally watching other people live their life.  Sue me, but I find that incredibly boring, and please believe that I have enough amazing and interesting people in my ACTUAL social circles that I'd rather live my life with them, than watch and read about other people living theirs.  Give real life a chance, you guys.  Give it a chance.

LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE.  It utterly confuses me when I see people so caught up with "living in the moment" that they make rash decisions that could impact the rest of their life without thinking.  Being a high school teacher I see a lot of drama, broken relationships, gossip, and changing of friend circles, and I think that is a part of growing up, finding yourself, and finding who you click with.  But what about adulthood?  I'm hoping that at this point, we know ourselves well enough to decide who we can or cannot "play nice with", which makes half of this equation easier, but I can't lie that my heart breaks a little when I hear about friends or family that have a "falling out."  

I can't be in everyone's shoes, and I don't know everyone's perspective, so I'm sure there are legitimate reasons for cutting people out of one's life.  If a relationship is no longer healthy, it serves you no purpose anymore, and I get that, but I suppose when it's family I just get sad about it.  Some things are out of your control: substance abuse, addiction, and innate stubbornness being a few.  Obviously you are only one side of the relationship, but take a look at your position: are you the one prohibiting the relationship from being mended?  If so, is it really worth it?  

I'm not casting judgment, and I know that every circumstance is different, but coming from a position where I seriously considered permanently shutting out my father, all I can say is now I am very glad I didn't.  Not having him around anymore, I now no longer have the choice, and I cherish every moment we got to spend together- some much happier memories than others.  Having him be ill for so long just got me thinking, "What if I told him I didn't want him in my life anymore, and he was gone the next day?  How would I feel knowing that was the last thing I said to my father?"  If you have a broken relationship, and it's important to you, fight for it.  Try to repair it.  No one is going to be around forever, and regret is a terrible thing to have to live with.

MAKE TIME FOR WHAT'S IMPORTANT.  2015 was a big year for my husband and I, for a lot of the reasons stated above.  One of the things that was good for me with all of the changes that were coming about, was whittling out what I did, and did not have time for.  This forced me to take a look at my schedule, and basically clear it out of everything that was going to interfere with my immediate goals: stay employed, be a good wife, be a good mom.  Pretty small list, but one would be naive to think that any one of these three goals is easy, and doesn't come at the cost of a lot of time, effort, and planning.  I made the decision to drop just about everything I was doing that was not family or work related, and while I am bummed at the fact that some of my most beloved activities and singing groups are now on the back burner or are dissipated, I am happy with the choices I've made.  17-27 year-old Corri was unmarried, baby-less, and had the world at her fingertips.  I knew that at some point I wouldn't have all of that free time, so I did a lot of things, like...

• Traveling to Jamaica, Scotland, Wales, Great Britain, and Italy
• Playing ultimate frisbee
• Competing in pageants
• Baton twirling
• Working with one of my best friends to create a 501c3 not for profit pageant organization
• Playing poker
• Joining barbershop choruses, quartets, and a cappella groups
• Blogging
• Competing in Cornhole tournaments
• Visiting the two most magical places on earth with my fiancé (the Jurassic Park World and the Harry Potter World at Universal Studios)

...among many other things.  Despite the fact that my bucket list has more unscratched items than scratched items I'm not giving up on it yet, but I do need to take a break and focus on my family. The last 10 years have been awesome, and I've grown a lot.  While the things I've been a part of, done and seen are very important to me, I have new goals that require my time and dedication.  Making time for what's important is not about eliminating the past, so much as it is balancing it with the present, and planning for the future.

DON'T SACRIFICE PRECIOUS TIME FOR WHAT ISN'T IMPORTANT.  This sort of continues my rant with social media, but I suppose that's mostly because I don't find it as important as I used to.  While blogging is a hobby of mine, I do it for me, because I enjoy it.  Facebook, on the other hand, is a connective tool for me to stay in touch with friends and family that I don't often get to see.  Because I have been watching a lot of Star Wars recently, I'm going to compare Facebook to the force: it's just there.  Whether or not you choose to use it for good or evil is your choice.  Now, evil may be a strong word, so let's replace that with negativity for the purposes of this discussion.  Keep in mind that YOU are in control of your Facebook.  Are you still with me?  Good.

Two of the number one things that I hear people complain about on Facebook are babies and weddings.  "Ugh, someone else is getting married!  Another baby picture?  Gosh, don't these people have lives?"  I'm biting my tongue really hard here, as this inner monologue plays out in my mind of people complaining about what other people do with their time on Facebook (I think this whole topic makes me a pseudo-hypocrite, but look at how much I care.  This much ----->        ).  I feel strongly about two things regarding this conundrum that, honestly, people put themselves into:

• I would much rather look at babies, weddings, and engagement announcements than political garbage, people's meals, and I'm-begging-you-to-comment-on-my-appearance-selfies any day of the week.  This is just my opinion though, and since not everyone agrees, it brings me to my second set of feelings...
• Do you know why I don't watch Duck Dynasty?  It's because I don't like it.  Do you know what I would do if I turned on the TV and it came on?  I would change the channel.  Let that sink in for a moment.  Yeah.  You, YES YOU, have the power to see, and ultimately unsee anything you like, or dislike on Facebook.  Powerful stuff, eh?

If you don't like pictures of babies, engagements, weddings, or generally happy wonderful moments on Facebook, you have an option people.  You don't have to passively aggressively shun people.  You don't have to rant about it.  In fact, you don't have to deal with it in any way.  Block, unfollow, or unfriend the culprits of the joy you wish to unsee, and just be done with it.  You know what annoys my husband about Facebook?  Everything.  So guess what?  He's not on it.  He's also an adult and makes adult decisions, instead of wallowing in self-pity on the internet, so I kind of love him.

The number one thing that I don't have time for that people love to do/be/harbor in life (and mostly on Facebook)?...NEGATIVITY.  Ain't nobody got time for that!  Guess how long it took you to write that status that complained about what someone else was doing?  One to four minutes (after you carefully worded it so that you can be snarky/vague enough to get your point across without overtly offending anyone...sneaky sneaky, you are).  Guess what you could have done with that time instead?

• Made a Hot Pocket
• Done 44 jumping jacks
• Pet a baby pig approximately 127 times
• Told at least 6 people you loved them

See what I mean?  Negativity takes time.  Precious time.  Use it for good, Luke, not for evil.

Sorry if you got nothing out of this, but I hope you did!  Here's hoping that- with or without my advice- your 2016 brings you and your family good health and many blessings.

Much love,

Corri

Font Nazi

My husband and I tend to be Font Nazis, or Font-zis- if you will.  I tend to utilize a variety of fonts for certain occasions, while he is more the tried-and-true-stick-to-the-seven-original-fonts kind of guy.  He often chastises me when I use a font that looks lovely, but is less than easy to read, while I openly criticize his lack of creativity regarding font selection.  Can you tell which is the computer engineer and which is the music teacher?  Anyway, regardless of our aesthetic word art preferences, it is plain to see that we are both hypersensitive to the font choices- for better or for worse- of businesses, restaurants, web pages, and the like.  Some venues, like the blogging world for example, give you a limited selection of fonts with which to type, leaving the user with a much smaller arsenal of resources.  The average person using any given word processing program, or photographic manipulation program, however, has the sky as the limit regarding font use.

The following fonts seen below are much like the force; some may be used for good, while others for evil.  Take a look at them and see where you fall on the list of 16 Font Nazi Offenders.

I didn't care enough/have the time to change from the default font.  I'm probably rushing to get something done to meet a deadline.

hi!!!  i don't like to b taken srsly w/ professional work!!!

Too seriously, I take my work.  Implied infringements on copyrights, I also don't mind.





This one time, I thought about being a horror novelist.  Then I realized I couldn't write worth a damn, and was just ultra inspired by the Goosebumps-like nature of this font.

I don't have time to sign this document, so I will select the swirliest font imaginable to trick people into thinking I did.

I wish it was still 1930.

When you read this document, I want you to have the sinking feeling that a velociraptor is lurking in your office fern...

The hipster cousin of Times New Roman, it's the slightly cooler font to use for typing formal documents.

I still write like a fourteen year old girl.  Oh, and you're reading this on My Little Pony stationary.

I am struggling to get my final paper in on time, and I am completely desperate to meet the page length requirement.

I, too, am struggling to get my final paper in on time, and I am subtly desperate to meet the page length requirement.

Nothing I type is important enough for you to be able to read it.

I was one of only eleven people that actually liked the old school Macintosh font.

I want this letter to appear hand written, but don't really feel like hand writing it.

I want this poster heading to appear much more profound than it actually is.




Man, my customers will probably actually believe that this menu is made out of papyrus with this super believable font!

I love me some fonts, and I have probably used all of these "offenders" at one point or another.  All fonts, much like alcohol and Butterfinger candies, can be used well if done in moderation.  So font, wisely, fellow Font-zis.  Font wisely, indeed.

Song Lyrics that Make No Sense

Hey y'all.  I always have Blogger's Guilt when I take a long break, so I feel it necessary to update you on things that have kept me away.  Necessary?  Is it Necessary for me to drink my own urine?  No, but it's sterile and I like the taste.  (Bonus points if you can name that movie)  Anyway, so I can sleep at night, here are the top three things that have kept me away these past few weeks:

1) Grad classes
2) Assessment Building Workshops
3) Writing my thesis paper

Now that my confession is out of the way, we can move on sans guilt to the actual meat of my post: Song Lyrics that Make No Sense.  If you have ever listened to contemporary music, the notion of this idea is not foreign to you.  TONS of songs have lyrics that, when viewed under a slightly more analytical scope, don't really make sense.  While some lyrics are more overt with their inability to communicate to intellectuals, others are sneakily hiding their ridiculousness under pseudo-proper grammar and may make sense on a surface level, but not when applied to the societal rules of how we as human beings are asked to live.  Here is a small list of some of the most well-known offenders of this crime, complete with video entertainment.

Turn Down for What - DJ Snake and 'Lil Jon
Despite the fact that this song is fairly infectious when it comes on in clubs or parties, the question on everyone's minds seems to be "What does that even mean?"  Its super ambiguous title, which- might I add- are the only words to the song, (minus 'fire up that loud, another round of shots', an eleven syllable phrase that 'Lil Jon successfully mutates to nine) paired with its strong beat and predictable (yet minimal) orchestration makes people initially interpret this song as a powerful party anthem a la LMFAO's "Shots" or Usher's "Yeah".  Eventually, though, the brain cells kick in and one realizes that, unlike the aforementioned songs, this one has no story, climax, or real point whatsoever.

Despite the aforementioned qualms with this song, here is the bone-shuddering reality I am really exposing here.  Below you will find an audio video of the song.  Click ahead to 2:25 and tell me what you hear.  Go ahead, I'll wait...

Yeah, you heard right.  Flipping' jingle bells.  As if this song wasn't bad enough as is, someone felt the need to add sleigh bells to this unequivocal masterpiece of loud noises and screeching synthesizers that merely repeat the previous theme up an octave.  What genius, what avant garde musicianship!  (P.S.- you're welcome I didn't post the actual video.  While its ridiculous characters and crude dancing, which have no common theme or relevance to anything, actually sort of fit the off-base and pointless lyrics, it will give you nightmares)

Time of Our Lives - Pit Bull and Ne-yo

The introduction to this video highlights some people that have fallen on financially hard times, leading you to believe that the song might have some level of poignancy to its lyrics.  On the contrary, the song goes in a much different direction, stating: "I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago.  I work my ass off, but still can't pay it though.  But I've got just enough to get up in this club, and have a good time until my time is up." 

What is the inner monologue, here?

  

Friend 1: "Damn, man, our rent's gonna be late AGAIN.  We'll probably get evicted soon."

Friend 2: "Yeah that sucks, bro"

Friend 1: "Hey, how much you got?  Instead of paying our landlord what little money we have, to show good faith that we will pay them when we get the rest, let's spend it on an overpriced cover charge, buy expensive drinks, and throw money at some scantily clad women!"

Friend 2: "Hell yes."

Before you ask, yes I've been broke, and yes it sucks.  The one thing that being broke kind of taught me, strangely enough, was an element of money management.  I'm not great at it, but the general rule of thumb I try to abide by is the golden rule of money management: Don't spend what you don't have.  If you owe someone rent, the money you earn from whatever you do is owed to them, and therefore not yours to spend on liquor and strippers.  Sorry, Pitbull, that's just the way the world works.

Somebody - Natalie La Rose and Jeremih
I have to say that after watching this video, I have a minor girl-crush on Natalie.  She is an incredible dancer, and is stunning to boot.  She reminds be a lot of Aaliyah, too (whom I always loved) so my apologies, Natalie, for the less than stellar review of your lyrics.

First, let's just get it all out right now: this is a terrible cover of what was an iconic Whitney song, R.I.P.  I'm just not a fan, despite the song being catchy as hell, but that's not really what I'm getting into today.  There are a lot of weird things going on here with lyrics, the first being her name right out the gate at :03 in.  Can she not flip her "r"s or something?  I literally had no idea what she was saying for about seven straight months until I watched the video and figured out it was her name.  Coming from someone who struggled to just pronounce an "r", let alone flip or roll one, I feel your pain, but the simple solution is to just NOT ANNOUNCE YOUR NAME AT THE BEGINNING OF YOUR OWN DAMN SONG.  Yes, Jason DeRulo, this is geared toward you as well.

The second issue I have is her breakdown in the bridge at 2:14.  Here's a taste of the depth of her lyricism: "In the club like what, we be in the party in the club like what...We be in the city going dumb like what, in the club like what."

Wow.  Just, wow.  How those lyrics speak to me.

Third problem.  At 1:48 (and other places) she sings "And when they try to make us leave we turn and say we're never going home".  Natalie, this is bad for at least two glaring reasons:

1)  We're never going home?  So, you're going to live there, in the club huh?  What are you going to eat, pretzels and bar chex mix?  Just drinking alcohol and soda non stop?  Sleeping on the disease ridden floor or in the vermin-infested basement.  Make better life choices, friend.

2)  Pretty sure you can get arrested for refusing to leave a bar.  Just ask this guy.

I Love It - Icona Pop and Charlie XCX
Similar to "Turn Down for What" this song has minimal, well, everything.  It does have semblance of a verse, a chorus, and a bridge, but its musical diversity stops there.  Lots of distorted bass and predictable orchestration...GAH!  Sorry.  This is not why I'm here...

Lyrics, people.  They just don't make sense.  Let's first analyze the insanity of the verse, around :34 in, shall we?  "I crashed my car into a bridge, I don't care.  I love it."  What are you, a Hilton or a Kardashian?  How can you crash your car and not care about it?  The average person does not have enough money to just wreck a car in hopes to pay for a new one that they like better.  Oh, except for this idiot.  These ladies are either sociopaths, or just insane, neither of which is preferable.  Let's just all agree to not run our cars into bridges, and that if we do, we will actually care about it, deal?  Deal.

Here's problem number two at 1:19-"You're from the 70s, but I'm a 90s bitch."  Let's just be kind of conservative and say he was born in 1977 and she was born in 1993.  That is still a sixteen year difference in age.  All her problems likely began with her hastiness in choosing to date someone much older than she without realizing they had very little in common.  I don't know about you, but if I had a 22 year-old, I wouldn't be thrilled if she was dating a 38 year-old.  (As a side note, I would be less thrilled if she crashed her car into a bridge...and didn't care)

Love in this Club - Usher and Young Jeezy

Ok, so these lyrics do make sense, Usher, I'll give you that.  But can we talk about the issues involving some of the lyrics you provide, particularly at 4:02?  "On the couch, on the table, on the bar or on the floor"  I'm going to assume with your celebrity status, Usher, that you've been in many more clubs than I, but have you thought to investigate these surface areas thoroughly?  All of them are usually sticky from drinks, and full of germs.  Sounds like a great place to roll around naked, right?  Ew.  Can we also discuss how unsafe it is to do the deed on the floor of a club just for fear of not getting trampled by a Jumanji-like stampede?

Lastly, the most obvious reason why the whole premise of this song is just a really freaking bad idea, is that it is illegal to do in public.  Don't believe me?  Ask these people.

I know there are many more lyrics that are mucho bizarre in many other songs.  Send your suggestions my way and maybe I'll make a second installment.

Peace!

P.S. - The movie was Dodgeball...I just saved you an IMDB trip.

The Slow Decline of my Most Recent Accomplishment

So recently, I accomplished a long-time personal goal of mine, and made it to the payout structure of an online poker tournament.  Now, this may seem insignificant to you for a few reasons:

1. Poker tournaments are stupid.  Why do you care, and most importantly, why waste your time?
2. Pfft.  I've done that lots of times.  Are you a newb?
3. Ummm, I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

All valid points, so I'll address them each individually.

1. This is just one of those things that we'll have to disagree on, and I don't play poker, let alone tourneys, very often.
2. Good for you!  We should chat and you can give me pointers.  See my response to number one for my recently limited exposure to the game.
3. There are no federal regulations for online poker.  The problem arises with specific states, and oftentimes banks that do not allow deposits.  There are several legal poker sites available for US players, with more anticipated arrivals within the next four years.  For more information check out http://www.legaluspokersites.com, or http://uspokersites.us/laws/

So what did I even do?  It's really not that significant, so don't get too excited.  Basically, I registered for a freeroll tournament (i.e. playing against TONS of people for free...therefore no banks or deposits required.  See the loophole?) and had to make it to the top 100 out of 1200+ players to get...drumroll...

NINETY CENTS!

That's for 100th place, going up to a max of $100 for first place, but luckily I surpassed the $.90 death sentence of mediocrity.