My husband and I tend to be Font Nazis, or Font-zis- if you will. I tend to utilize a variety of fonts for certain occasions, while he is more the tried-and-true-stick-to-the-seven-original-fonts kind of guy. He often chastises me when I use a font that looks lovely, but is less than easy to read, while I openly criticize his lack of creativity regarding font selection. Can you tell which is the computer engineer and which is the music teacher? Anyway, regardless of our aesthetic word art preferences, it is plain to see that we are both hypersensitive to the font choices- for better or for worse- of businesses, restaurants, web pages, and the like. Some venues, like the blogging world for example, give you a limited selection of fonts with which to type, leaving the user with a much smaller arsenal of resources. The average person using any given word processing program, or photographic manipulation program, however, has the sky as the limit regarding font use.
The following fonts seen below are much like the force; some may be used for good, while others for evil. Take a look at them and see where you fall on the list of 16 Font Nazi Offenders.
I didn't care enough/have the time to change from the default font. I'm probably rushing to get something done to meet a deadline.
hi!!! i don't like to b taken srsly w/ professional work!!!
Too seriously, I take my work. Implied infringements on copyrights, I also don't mind.
This one time, I thought about being a horror novelist. Then I realized I couldn't write worth a damn, and was just ultra inspired by the Goosebumps-like nature of this font.
I don't have time to sign this document, so I will select the swirliest font imaginable to trick people into thinking I did.
I wish it was still 1930.
When you read this document, I want you to have the sinking feeling that a velociraptor is lurking in your office fern...
The hipster cousin of Times New Roman, it's the slightly cooler font to use for typing formal documents.
I still write like a fourteen year old girl. Oh, and you're reading this on My Little Pony stationary.
I am struggling to get my final paper in on time, and I am completely desperate to meet the page length requirement.
I, too, am struggling to get my final paper in on time, and I am subtly desperate to meet the page length requirement.
Nothing I type is important enough for you to be able to read it.
I was one of only eleven people that actually liked the old school Macintosh font.
I want this letter to appear hand written, but don't really feel like hand writing it.
I want this poster heading to appear much more profound than it actually is.
Man, my customers will probably actually believe that this menu is made out of papyrus with this super believable font!
I love me some fonts, and I have probably used all of these "offenders" at one point or another. All fonts, much like alcohol and Butterfinger candies, can be used well if done in moderation. So font, wisely, fellow Font-zis. Font wisely, indeed.
Hey y'all. I always have Blogger's Guilt when I take a long break, so I feel it necessary to update you on things that have kept me away. Necessary? Is it Necessary for me to drink my own urine? No, but it's sterile and I like the taste. (Bonus points if you can name that movie) Anyway, so I can sleep at night, here are the top three things that have kept me away these past few weeks:
1) Grad classes
2) Assessment Building Workshops
3) Writing my thesis paper
Now that my confession is out of the way, we can move on sans guilt to the actual meat of my post: Song Lyrics that Make No Sense. If you have ever listened to contemporary music, the notion of this idea is not foreign to you. TONS of songs have lyrics that, when viewed under a slightly more analytical scope, don't really make sense. While some lyrics are more overt with their inability to communicate to intellectuals, others are sneakily hiding their ridiculousness under pseudo-proper grammar and may make sense on a surface level, but not when applied to the societal rules of how we as human beings are asked to live. Here is a small list of some of the most well-known offenders of this crime, complete with video entertainment.
Turn Down for What - DJ Snake and 'Lil Jon
Despite the fact that this song is fairly infectious when it comes on in clubs or parties, the question on everyone's minds seems to be "What does that even mean?" Its super ambiguous title, which- might I add- are the only words to the song, (minus 'fire up that loud, another round of shots', an eleven syllable phrase that 'Lil Jon successfully mutates to nine) paired with its strong beat and predictable (yet minimal) orchestration makes people initially interpret this song as a powerful party anthem a la LMFAO's "Shots" or Usher's "Yeah". Eventually, though, the brain cells kick in and one realizes that, unlike the aforementioned songs, this one has no story, climax, or real point whatsoever.
Despite the aforementioned qualms with this song, here is the bone-shuddering reality I am really exposing here. Below you will find an audio video of the song. Click ahead to 2:25 and tell me what you hear. Go ahead, I'll wait...
Yeah, you heard right. Flipping' jingle bells. As if this song wasn't bad enough as is, someone felt the need to add sleigh bells to this unequivocal masterpiece of loud noises and screeching synthesizers that merely repeat the previous theme up an octave. What genius, what avant garde musicianship! (P.S.- you're welcome I didn't post the actual video. While its ridiculous characters and crude dancing, which have no common theme or relevance to anything, actually sort of fit the off-base and pointless lyrics, it will give you nightmares)
Time of Our Lives - Pit Bull and Ne-yo
The introduction to this video highlights some people that have fallen on financially hard times, leading you to believe that the song might have some level of poignancy to its lyrics. On the contrary, the song goes in a much different direction, stating: "I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago. I work my ass off, but still can't pay it though. But I've got just enough to get up in this club, and have a good time until my time is up."
What is the inner monologue, here?
Friend 1: "Damn, man, our rent's gonna be late AGAIN. We'll probably get evicted soon."
Friend 2: "Yeah that sucks, bro"
Friend 1: "Hey, how much you got? Instead of paying our landlord what little money we have, to show good faith that we will pay them when we get the rest, let's spend it on an overpriced cover charge, buy expensive drinks, and throw money at some scantily clad women!"
Friend 2: "Hell yes."
Before you ask, yes I've been broke, and yes it sucks. The one thing that being broke kind of taught me, strangely enough, was an element of money management. I'm not great at it, but the general rule of thumb I try to abide by is the golden rule of money management: Don't spend what you don't have. If you owe someone rent, the money you earn from whatever you do is owed to them, and therefore not yours to spend on liquor and strippers. Sorry, Pitbull, that's just the way the world works.
Somebody - Natalie La Rose and Jeremih
I have to say that after watching this video, I have a minor girl-crush on Natalie. She is an incredible dancer, and is stunning to boot. She reminds be a lot of Aaliyah, too (whom I always loved) so my apologies, Natalie, for the less than stellar review of your lyrics.
First, let's just get it all out right now: this is a terrible cover of what was an iconic Whitney song, R.I.P. I'm just not a fan, despite the song being catchy as hell, but that's not really what I'm getting into today. There are a lot of weird things going on here with lyrics, the first being her name right out the gate at :03 in. Can she not flip her "r"s or something? I literally had no idea what she was saying for about seven straight months until I watched the video and figured out it was her name. Coming from someone who struggled to just pronounce an "r", let alone flip or roll one, I feel your pain, but the simple solution is to just NOT ANNOUNCE YOUR NAME AT THE BEGINNING OF YOUR OWN DAMN SONG. Yes, Jason DeRulo, this is geared toward you as well.
The second issue I have is her breakdown in the bridge at 2:14. Here's a taste of the depth of her lyricism: "In the club like what, we be in the party in the club like what...We be in the city going dumb like what, in the club like what."
Wow. Just, wow. How those lyrics speak to me.
Third problem. At 1:48 (and other places) she sings "And when they try to make us leave we turn and say we're never going home". Natalie, this is bad for at least two glaring reasons:
1) We're never going home? So, you're going to live there, in the club huh? What are you going to eat, pretzels and bar chex mix? Just drinking alcohol and soda non stop? Sleeping on the disease ridden floor or in the vermin-infested basement. Make better life choices, friend.
2) Pretty sure you can get arrested for refusing to leave a bar. Just ask this guy.
I Love It - Icona Pop and Charlie XCX
Similar to "Turn Down for What" this song has minimal, well, everything. It does have semblance of a verse, a chorus, and a bridge, but its musical diversity stops there. Lots of distorted bass and predictable orchestration...GAH! Sorry. This is not why I'm here...
Lyrics, people. They just don't make sense. Let's first analyze the insanity of the verse, around :34 in, shall we? "I crashed my car into a bridge, I don't care. I love it." What are you, a Hilton or a Kardashian? How can you crash your car and not care about it? The average person does not have enough money to just wreck a car in hopes to pay for a new one that they like better. Oh, except for this idiot. These ladies are either sociopaths, or just insane, neither of which is preferable. Let's just all agree to not run our cars into bridges, and that if we do, we will actually care about it, deal? Deal.
Here's problem number two at 1:19-"You're from the 70s, but I'm a 90s bitch." Let's just be kind of conservative and say he was born in 1977 and she was born in 1993. That is still a sixteen year difference in age. All her problems likely began with her hastiness in choosing to date someone much older than she without realizing they had very little in common. I don't know about you, but if I had a 22 year-old, I wouldn't be thrilled if she was dating a 38 year-old. (As a side note, I would be less thrilled if she crashed her car into a bridge...and didn't care)
Love in this Club - Usher and Young Jeezy
Ok, so these lyrics do make sense, Usher, I'll give you that. But can we talk about the issues involving some of the lyrics you provide, particularly at 4:02? "On the couch, on the table, on the bar or on the floor" I'm going to assume with your celebrity status, Usher, that you've been in many more clubs than I, but have you thought to investigate these surface areas thoroughly? All of them are usually sticky from drinks, and full of germs. Sounds like a great place to roll around naked, right? Ew. Can we also discuss how unsafe it is to do the deed on the floor of a club just for fear of not getting trampled by a Jumanji-like stampede?
Lastly, the most obvious reason why the whole premise of this song is just a really freaking bad idea, is that it is illegal to do in public. Don't believe me? Ask these people.
I know there are many more lyrics that are mucho bizarre in many other songs. Send your suggestions my way and maybe I'll make a second installment.
Peace!
P.S. - The movie was Dodgeball...I just saved you an IMDB trip.
