Corri's Post-Christmas Naughty & Nice (Play)List

Hello friends, and Merry Christmas to you!

Since Christmas Day is officially behind us, one of my favorite radio stations has ceased its nonstop December Christmas music marathon.  Sad face.  Hearing many of the same, quintessential holiday songs in different arrangements made me nostalgic for my Christmas post in 2014 where I rated the top 10 best/worst holiday songs.  I re-visited the list today and noticed that not only do I have additional songs to add to both lists, but that I disagree with my past self on a few of the items.  Go figure.  Here is my 2017 version of the top five best and worst Christmas songs.  Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Worst:

5) Winter Wonderland - The Eurythmics
I heard this song on the radio several times this season, and I found myself wanting to pull over out of fear each time the intro played.  The rest of the song is ok, but humor me for a second, and imagine this introduction without vocals.  The 80s synthesizer of death is beyond terrifying, and needs to go.

4) Step into Christmas - Elton John
I don't actually mind this song all that much.  I think it's clever, catchy, and kind of fun, actually.  Much like it's predecessor on this list though, I have a huge problem with one part, and it ruins the song for me completely.  After the first or second refrain, each time he says "The admission's free", it sounds like you just lost a life in a game of Number Munchers.  Who sat in the mixing booth and decided that should remain in the final cut?  Yuck.

3) All I Want for Christmas is You - Vince Vance & The Valiants ft. Lisa Layne
Maybe it's just because I am not a huge country fan that I don't like this song, but every time it comes on, it feels like a low budget dirty movie soundtrack to me.  Her voice is just so rugged and out of control that I don't enjoy listening to it.  I do feel badly that the title of their song got hijacked and ultimately ended in much more popularity than the original, but I would contest that the Mariah Carey song which shares this title is much better.

2) I Like a Sleigh Ride (Jingle Bells) - Peggy Lee
If you can get past the 14 "I Like a Sleigh Ride" repetitions to get into the meat of the song, it's actually not too bad, but anytime the children come back in with that horrific part, any progress made is irrevocably undone.  Did she lose a bet?  Did she owe someone a favor?  Who is thinking that these children ADD to this holiday song?  Not I.  Not I, indeed.

1) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Christina Aguilera
I hadn't ever heard this arrangement until a few days ago, and about halfway through the first verse, my husband and I could not stop laughing.  While Miss Aguilera is arguably one of the most vocally acrobatic of singers, her interpretation in most of her music makes the resulting song un-singable.  The only thing worse than not being able to sing along to a song on the radio is not being able to sing along with a Christmas song on the radio, and Xtina makes that goal absolutely impossible to meet.  A lot of times less is more, and by oversinging every phrase to the point of hilarity, it almost makes the song feel like a mockery.  Oversinging might drive the point home that you are capable of incredibly difficult melismas and runs, but it also highlights your inability to think musically and to put what enhances the song's meaning above what enhances your vocal abilities.

Best:

5) I Love the Winter Weather - Tony Bennett
This song is soon underrated!  I don't remember hearing it prior to this Christmas season, but I heard it several times and it just made me so jolly.  His voice has such an easiness to it that I find incredibly relaxing.  The way the piece ties in with "I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm" also doesn't hurt, since that is one of my favorite wintertime songs as well.

4) Winter Wonderland - Jason Mraz
I think we can all agree that this is one of the most coveted of carols to cover (pretty good alliteration, amiright?), but as is the case with most songs with a high quantity of covers, most are average at best, and few are high quality and different enough to both separate itself from the original, while still doing it homage.  This song, in my opinion, does a fantastic job at both.  His plucky and rhythmic accompaniment suits his voice impeccably, and changes the piece in a really fun way without making it unrecognizable.  Kudos, Jason Mraz.  Ya done good.

3) Sleigh Ride
While many re-makes of this song are great, this recording is my favorite.  Some songs are, well, just perfect the first time around.  While I don't mind re-imaginings of this classic piece, this one will always be the best for me.

I am mildly annoyed, though, that someone decided to add lyrics, because now I sing the lyrics in my head when I hear the instrumental version and I feel like it is overshadowing my attempt to hear the story from the instrumental perspective, which may have nothing to do with the chestnuts going "pop pop pop!".  It's sort of like seeing the movie before the book, and being unable to visualize the characters in a way other than the appearance of the actors or actresses.

(There COULD NOT be a better thumbnail for this video)

2) Carol of the Bells - Pentatonix
I know I mentioned in my post from three years ago that any Pentatonix Christmas arrangement is a contender, but I feel this one needs to be called out on its own.  Is it lovely?  Yes.  Is the arrangement equal parts complex and yet recognizable?  Also yes.  But let's focus for a moment on a part that I think is utterly brilliant, and most likely unappreciated: the magic that is 2:18.  What is Mitch even doing?  It's not really human.  His accuracy and delicacy with a run that is both lengthy and very complex is astounding to me.  I'm not naive enough to believe that he sang it through the four or five times it is played in this recording, as I'm sure it was recorded and replayed, but the fact that he can do it even once that well is enough to make me a lovely shade of holly green with envy.  Well done, indeed!

1) We Need a Little Christmas - Johnny Mathis
So, after those accolades, what could top that?  None other than Johnny Mathis, of course!  What I love specifically about this rendition of this song is the same thing that I love about The Drifters' version of White Christmas: the unabashed, full throttle passion of the singer.  While this song is fantastic in its own merit, and I love the bouncy joviality of it, just do me a favor and listen to the last 15 seconds.  Johnny Mathis slays that note, and there's absolutely nothing half-assed about it.  Plus, this was likely recorded in a time (also like the Drifters' piece) where they weren't necessarily able to stop and re-record in the middle of phrases, and I respect them so much more for having to do complete takes with crazy accuracy.  Nowadays, singers can go measure by measure, hell, even beat by beat until they get it, or just slosh their way through a piece and correct it with auto-tuning later.  Props to you, Johnny Mathis, for killing it on probably the first take, and not backing away from a crazy powerful high note ending, despite having likely exhausted yourself singing the whole song with unmatchable gusto.

Thanks for reading, and again, let me know if you have others you think I missed!  Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Song Lyrics that Make No Sense

Hey y'all.  I always have Blogger's Guilt when I take a long break, so I feel it necessary to update you on things that have kept me away.  Necessary?  Is it Necessary for me to drink my own urine?  No, but it's sterile and I like the taste.  (Bonus points if you can name that movie)  Anyway, so I can sleep at night, here are the top three things that have kept me away these past few weeks:

1) Grad classes
2) Assessment Building Workshops
3) Writing my thesis paper

Now that my confession is out of the way, we can move on sans guilt to the actual meat of my post: Song Lyrics that Make No Sense.  If you have ever listened to contemporary music, the notion of this idea is not foreign to you.  TONS of songs have lyrics that, when viewed under a slightly more analytical scope, don't really make sense.  While some lyrics are more overt with their inability to communicate to intellectuals, others are sneakily hiding their ridiculousness under pseudo-proper grammar and may make sense on a surface level, but not when applied to the societal rules of how we as human beings are asked to live.  Here is a small list of some of the most well-known offenders of this crime, complete with video entertainment.

Turn Down for What - DJ Snake and 'Lil Jon
Despite the fact that this song is fairly infectious when it comes on in clubs or parties, the question on everyone's minds seems to be "What does that even mean?"  Its super ambiguous title, which- might I add- are the only words to the song, (minus 'fire up that loud, another round of shots', an eleven syllable phrase that 'Lil Jon successfully mutates to nine) paired with its strong beat and predictable (yet minimal) orchestration makes people initially interpret this song as a powerful party anthem a la LMFAO's "Shots" or Usher's "Yeah".  Eventually, though, the brain cells kick in and one realizes that, unlike the aforementioned songs, this one has no story, climax, or real point whatsoever.

Despite the aforementioned qualms with this song, here is the bone-shuddering reality I am really exposing here.  Below you will find an audio video of the song.  Click ahead to 2:25 and tell me what you hear.  Go ahead, I'll wait...

Yeah, you heard right.  Flipping' jingle bells.  As if this song wasn't bad enough as is, someone felt the need to add sleigh bells to this unequivocal masterpiece of loud noises and screeching synthesizers that merely repeat the previous theme up an octave.  What genius, what avant garde musicianship!  (P.S.- you're welcome I didn't post the actual video.  While its ridiculous characters and crude dancing, which have no common theme or relevance to anything, actually sort of fit the off-base and pointless lyrics, it will give you nightmares)

Time of Our Lives - Pit Bull and Ne-yo

The introduction to this video highlights some people that have fallen on financially hard times, leading you to believe that the song might have some level of poignancy to its lyrics.  On the contrary, the song goes in a much different direction, stating: "I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago.  I work my ass off, but still can't pay it though.  But I've got just enough to get up in this club, and have a good time until my time is up." 

What is the inner monologue, here?

  

Friend 1: "Damn, man, our rent's gonna be late AGAIN.  We'll probably get evicted soon."

Friend 2: "Yeah that sucks, bro"

Friend 1: "Hey, how much you got?  Instead of paying our landlord what little money we have, to show good faith that we will pay them when we get the rest, let's spend it on an overpriced cover charge, buy expensive drinks, and throw money at some scantily clad women!"

Friend 2: "Hell yes."

Before you ask, yes I've been broke, and yes it sucks.  The one thing that being broke kind of taught me, strangely enough, was an element of money management.  I'm not great at it, but the general rule of thumb I try to abide by is the golden rule of money management: Don't spend what you don't have.  If you owe someone rent, the money you earn from whatever you do is owed to them, and therefore not yours to spend on liquor and strippers.  Sorry, Pitbull, that's just the way the world works.

Somebody - Natalie La Rose and Jeremih
I have to say that after watching this video, I have a minor girl-crush on Natalie.  She is an incredible dancer, and is stunning to boot.  She reminds be a lot of Aaliyah, too (whom I always loved) so my apologies, Natalie, for the less than stellar review of your lyrics.

First, let's just get it all out right now: this is a terrible cover of what was an iconic Whitney song, R.I.P.  I'm just not a fan, despite the song being catchy as hell, but that's not really what I'm getting into today.  There are a lot of weird things going on here with lyrics, the first being her name right out the gate at :03 in.  Can she not flip her "r"s or something?  I literally had no idea what she was saying for about seven straight months until I watched the video and figured out it was her name.  Coming from someone who struggled to just pronounce an "r", let alone flip or roll one, I feel your pain, but the simple solution is to just NOT ANNOUNCE YOUR NAME AT THE BEGINNING OF YOUR OWN DAMN SONG.  Yes, Jason DeRulo, this is geared toward you as well.

The second issue I have is her breakdown in the bridge at 2:14.  Here's a taste of the depth of her lyricism: "In the club like what, we be in the party in the club like what...We be in the city going dumb like what, in the club like what."

Wow.  Just, wow.  How those lyrics speak to me.

Third problem.  At 1:48 (and other places) she sings "And when they try to make us leave we turn and say we're never going home".  Natalie, this is bad for at least two glaring reasons:

1)  We're never going home?  So, you're going to live there, in the club huh?  What are you going to eat, pretzels and bar chex mix?  Just drinking alcohol and soda non stop?  Sleeping on the disease ridden floor or in the vermin-infested basement.  Make better life choices, friend.

2)  Pretty sure you can get arrested for refusing to leave a bar.  Just ask this guy.

I Love It - Icona Pop and Charlie XCX
Similar to "Turn Down for What" this song has minimal, well, everything.  It does have semblance of a verse, a chorus, and a bridge, but its musical diversity stops there.  Lots of distorted bass and predictable orchestration...GAH!  Sorry.  This is not why I'm here...

Lyrics, people.  They just don't make sense.  Let's first analyze the insanity of the verse, around :34 in, shall we?  "I crashed my car into a bridge, I don't care.  I love it."  What are you, a Hilton or a Kardashian?  How can you crash your car and not care about it?  The average person does not have enough money to just wreck a car in hopes to pay for a new one that they like better.  Oh, except for this idiot.  These ladies are either sociopaths, or just insane, neither of which is preferable.  Let's just all agree to not run our cars into bridges, and that if we do, we will actually care about it, deal?  Deal.

Here's problem number two at 1:19-"You're from the 70s, but I'm a 90s bitch."  Let's just be kind of conservative and say he was born in 1977 and she was born in 1993.  That is still a sixteen year difference in age.  All her problems likely began with her hastiness in choosing to date someone much older than she without realizing they had very little in common.  I don't know about you, but if I had a 22 year-old, I wouldn't be thrilled if she was dating a 38 year-old.  (As a side note, I would be less thrilled if she crashed her car into a bridge...and didn't care)

Love in this Club - Usher and Young Jeezy

Ok, so these lyrics do make sense, Usher, I'll give you that.  But can we talk about the issues involving some of the lyrics you provide, particularly at 4:02?  "On the couch, on the table, on the bar or on the floor"  I'm going to assume with your celebrity status, Usher, that you've been in many more clubs than I, but have you thought to investigate these surface areas thoroughly?  All of them are usually sticky from drinks, and full of germs.  Sounds like a great place to roll around naked, right?  Ew.  Can we also discuss how unsafe it is to do the deed on the floor of a club just for fear of not getting trampled by a Jumanji-like stampede?

Lastly, the most obvious reason why the whole premise of this song is just a really freaking bad idea, is that it is illegal to do in public.  Don't believe me?  Ask these people.

I know there are many more lyrics that are mucho bizarre in many other songs.  Send your suggestions my way and maybe I'll make a second installment.

Peace!

P.S. - The movie was Dodgeball...I just saved you an IMDB trip.

Take me to Church

If you are familiar with this song, you probably think you know what the topic of my rant is, but I may surprise you yet.

This is a song that was recently released on my local radio station, and I found it was refreshingly unique sounding (compared to the rest of the music on the station) when I heard it, and a lot of my students were singing and talking about it intermittently.  One student mentioned to me that it was not about church at all (which I assumed) but that the video actually depicted a homosexual couple and their struggle at maintaining a relationship without judgment or harassment.  This I found intriguing, so I watched it.

WARNING- While this video is both moving and emotionally charged, it is at times violent and disturbing.  Please refrain from watching if any of the aforementioned characteristics is likely to upset you, and as noted in the video, parental guidance is suggested for anyone viewing under the age of 18.

I'm not going to get into how I feel about the video, or the lyrics, so this is a fake out for those of you that thought this was going to be some sort of social/equality/censorship tirade.  The reason I posted the actual video, and not just a video of the lyrics, is to prove a musical point.  Regardless of how you feel about the lyrics, content of the video, or implied messages within the song, I think that it's painfully obvious that the artist is conveying a message, and that the music is designed to compliment it.  The video is the icing on the cake, directing you to one interpretation of the lyrics, but I'd like to think we can all agree that this is an artistic expression on all fronts.  If that's not the case, now would be a good time to hit the back button on your browser, because my venting is actually purely music related, and if we can't agree to view this song as a work of art, we won't agree on a lot of the rest of this cathartic experience.

Say WHAT?!

This post is dedicated to the skill, or lack thereof, of song lyric recognition.  As a singer, my brain drifts much more so toward the melody or harmony of a song, and sometimes things get lost in translation.  Literally.  Below you will find a list of some of the most memorable lyric misinterpretations I have had, although I know there are many more out there.


Song Title: Get Lucky
Artist: Daft Punk feat. Pharrell
When: 2:30
Sounds like: Who brought the Mexican monkey?

Actual lyric/rationale: We're up all night to get lucky//
So it's pretty clear that this is in fact what they are actually singing, since it's been sung in the song several times at this point, but the auto-tuning really makes it difficult for one to un-hear the Mexican monkey once it's in your brain.

Naughty & Nice Playlist: My top 10 rated Christmas songs...and the 10 that need sit in the corner and re-evaluate their life choices.

Right around December first, I turn my radio to the non-stop Christmas station and- save for commercials- don't leave for quite some time.  It is more than likely to assume, then, that I have heard a lot of the same songs time and time again, as have we all who share in this beloved tradition.  It is with attempted open-mindedness, a moderately snobby music background, and the blunt honesty of my brain diarrhea that I present to you the selections that made the Naughty & Nice playlists.

*DISCLAIMER* I will apologize in advance if I slam one of your favorites.  I mean not to spoil your Christmas joy, but I'd like to think that I have at least the semblance of a logical argument for my choices.  You, naturally, are welcome to heartily disagree!  Heck, I've even included a video for each song so you can at least try to level with me.  :)



NAUGHTY PLAYLIST

10)  Feliz Navidad

Let me preface this critique with the fact that this song happens to be one of my most favorite Christmas songs.  Any time it comes on, I groove along shamelessly in my vehicle to the catchy, albeit repetitive, musical stylings of Jose Feliciano.  Despite my personal approval (which should show my attempt at unbiased critiques) I do feel that this Christmas song- in addition to its highly repetitive nature- could have been written in about 2 1/2 minutes, rendering it the #10 spot on my list of Christmas songs that need to take a time-out.

9) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - The Pretenders

Oy.  This one is just plain difficult to listen to.  I want to be in your corner, struggling vocalist, I really

New Post, New Family, and RRS #5

Hello avid readers!

It has been well over two years since I have posted to this blog, and while I do love keeping up with the horror movie blog, I have missed the cathartic experience of writing about myself.  Haha.  Or is that a narcissistic experience?  Whatever.  Since a lengthy stretch of time has elapsed, I feel like I should update you on my life, starting with

Ridiculous Random Story #5

This one is pretty comprehensive, as it ties in my pageant background with my current life.

Once upon a time, I won Miss Thousand Islands in 2008.  Little did I know that one of the judges would have a pretty big impact on my adult life.  Deltra Willis was one of those 5 judges who seemed to think I would do a pretty decent job as a titleholder, and then she soon started dating a lovely fellow by the name of Stan.  Fast forward one year to my warm up interview for Miss Thousand Islands 2009, where Stan was on the panel and also thought I could do a great job as a titleholder.  Too bad I was giving up my crown and wasn't actually competing, haha.  Fast forward to my first year on the Miss Thousand Islands board of directors.  I was basically there for talent prep, interview prep, and to voice my opinion, and often ran into Deltra and Stan who were both on the board.  They had mentioned occasionally that Deltra's son, Andrew, was a really nice guy and that I should meet him.  I had heard that before, and was flattered at the offer, but was already seeing someone.

That next summer, at the pageant workshop, we were at Deltra's house and I was running a modeling workshop.  Andrew was "supposed" to come but did not make it for one reason or another.  Offered as a nice substitute, were some dashing photos of him and his band, "Bye George".

Deltra kept suggesting we meet, and I found it hard to imagine what he looked like in present day based on photos from his youth.  I found myself not really keen on the idea, as it felt like I was potentially meeting someone the age of the students that I taught.

Seven months later, I volunteered to help with the Miss Thousand Islands Outstanding Teen Pageant.  I was teaching the girls how to model, and helping with talent.  I had also volunteered to sing, and to twirl my baton to a Michael Buble song.  Lo and behold, Andrew was showing up later to do sound.  "Oh brother", I thought.  I was kind of preoccupied with the contestants while he entered, and it wasn't until Deltra brought it up that I noticed him, and boy did I ever notice him.  It was that feeling you hear about in movies, but don't think is really real.  At the time, I attributed it to the expectation of seeing a 16 year old boy with braces, but being pleasantly surprised with the outcome, but I obviously now realize it was something more.

We introduced ourselves, and I ran through both my divertissements.  After the pageant was over, we chit chatted, and then he had to pack up sound and leave.  That was it.  No phone number exchange, no offer for a date, nada.  I wasn't disappointed, I was offended!  Why wouldn't he want to ask me out?  I'm pretty awesome and we had a lot in common!  (See above note: narcissism)  I went home and Facebook stalked him, but wait...he wasn't on Facebook!  It was then I really had to question if I wanted to pursue anyone who wasn't part of the Facebook virtual world.  I then did the most/least sensible thing anyone would do in this situation: I asked his mother for his e-mail address.

Okay.  That sounds crazy, and I have to admit that at the time I felt crazy doing so.  I just kept remembering that feeling I had.  I am not one to ignore these kind of things, and the worst case scenario if I asked was that she'd say no, or he would genuinely not be interested after getting to know me.  If I didn't ask, however, I couldn't help feeling like I would never know what would have become of our acquaintance/friendship/relationship.  She gladly gave me two e-mail addresses, along with his cell phone number, haha.  I am still very grateful to her for forking over her only son's personal information to someone who seemed really desperate!

It took me what seemed like forever to write the perfect, witty, non-stalkerish e-mail.  It was on February 13th, 2012.  We started dating on March 8th, 2012, and got engaged October 1st, 2013.  We will be happily married on August 16th, 2014!

So that's our story.  We have to constantly thank Stan and Deltra for persisting that we get acquainted, otherwise we likely would never have met.  In addition to being able to see these two wonderful people much more frequently, I also got to meet and fall in love with his whole family, including his sister, Deltra Lynne, his brother-in-law, Darrell, his two nephews, William and Zachary, his niece, Deltra Elliott (Ellie), his dad, Jim, and his step-mother, Hildegard, among MANY other family members and friends along the way.  I am so blessed to be a part of this wonderful group of people, and to call this handsome man my fiancee, and soon to be husband:

Oops, wrong photo.  I mean, THIS handsome man...

Again, I am so grateful for my path leading me to find this wonderful soul mate of mine.  Had it not been for pageantry, and the long list of friendships I have made through it, I would not be able to boast about Andrew being the center of my life.  I can now, proudly be added to the list of Miss America competitors that found her husband through pageant connections.

I intend on updating this blog a little more frequently, so keep up with me here, and on www.filmfilteroff.blogspot.com.

Much love,

Corri