New Year's Resolutions: A little bit of history, and some "do"s and "don't"s

New Year's Resolutions are one of those things that are like my attempts at working out: priority one for about three days, and then rehearsals/doughnuts/Netflix gets in the way, and life resumes its normalcy.  Do I think they're antiquated and useless?  Surprisingly, no, or else why would I dedicate my time writing about them.  However, I do believe there is a right way, and thus, a wrong way to go about setting resolutions for the New Year.

First let's talk about the idea of resolutions in the first place.  When researching this definition, I found this to be the most apropos form:

a resolve; a decision or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.  i.e. Her resolution to clear her parents' name allowed her no other focus inline.

Not to get all philosophical here, but many people develop the attitude, "Why change? I am who I am and that's all that I yam." Maybe that's just Popeye, but there are many that denounce the resolution tradition for their own reasons I suppose, but if it is indeed for the aforementioned reason, I have to ask myself, "Why?" Considering that in other parts of the world traditions range from rice pudding with a hidden almond, to bolting down a dozen grapes to your floor, this particular tradition doesn't seem that outlandish to me. Plus, with other global traditions like making cakes in the shape of rings, and eating pork to symbolize prosperity and success, I have to deduce that this custom is one that provides a little more depth and a little less superstition.

But getting back to the resolutions, where did they come from?  And why?  From what I can tell, the

Naughty & Nice Playlist: My top 10 rated Christmas songs...and the 10 that need sit in the corner and re-evaluate their life choices.

Right around December first, I turn my radio to the non-stop Christmas station and- save for commercials- don't leave for quite some time.  It is more than likely to assume, then, that I have heard a lot of the same songs time and time again, as have we all who share in this beloved tradition.  It is with attempted open-mindedness, a moderately snobby music background, and the blunt honesty of my brain diarrhea that I present to you the selections that made the Naughty & Nice playlists.

*DISCLAIMER* I will apologize in advance if I slam one of your favorites.  I mean not to spoil your Christmas joy, but I'd like to think that I have at least the semblance of a logical argument for my choices.  You, naturally, are welcome to heartily disagree!  Heck, I've even included a video for each song so you can at least try to level with me.  :)



NAUGHTY PLAYLIST

10)  Feliz Navidad

Let me preface this critique with the fact that this song happens to be one of my most favorite Christmas songs.  Any time it comes on, I groove along shamelessly in my vehicle to the catchy, albeit repetitive, musical stylings of Jose Feliciano.  Despite my personal approval (which should show my attempt at unbiased critiques) I do feel that this Christmas song- in addition to its highly repetitive nature- could have been written in about 2 1/2 minutes, rendering it the #10 spot on my list of Christmas songs that need to take a time-out.

9) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - The Pretenders

Oy.  This one is just plain difficult to listen to.  I want to be in your corner, struggling vocalist, I really

Let's start a "thing" - 12 Days of Christmas Challenge

Despite the fact that it is 11:36 pm, and this post won't likely be available to your twinkling eyes until "tomorrow", at this point, it is officially only 12 days until Christmas, which seems to have a festively appropriate ring to it.  There are many things pertaining to the 12 days of Christmas, including the incredibly catchy and choreographable holiday tune, to the TV specials featuring seasonal shows and movies.  This year, though, I'm going to encourage you to do something a little different with this notable countdown, and throw in some of my deliciously random Christmas photos too.

Maybe not quite that different... 

Let me first start by clarifying my meaning of "thing".  "Thing" in this case would be pertaining to a trend, specifically of the social media variety.  Comparable social media "things" include the Ice Bucket challenge, the "truth is" posts, and the one I am more or less channeling, the "thankful for list" that is popular around the Thanksgiving season.  Other "things" I have tried to start to no avail include windshield wipers for glasses made of paper clips and napkins, and a reverse french manicure, which I haven't completely written off yet.  Suffice it to say, I am having much higher hopes for this effort, and to do it well, I need your help my internet friends.

These are some of my non-internet friends.  Sometimes we dress up like
Ravenclaws at Christmastime and try to win the house cup.

So what is it?  It's an idea that has been on my mind a lot this month, and that idea is the notion of

Food Horoscopes

For those of you that know me, it's not untrue that I can be a little clumsy.  Not in the "Oops, I tripped!" sort of way, although that does happen occasionally.  It's more so around food.  I have a theory that it's because I get really, REALLY excited about food, especially when it's food I like, since as a picky eater that is oftentimes hard to come by.

Anyway, another aspect of this food-love that I possess is due to the fact that, at work, I frequently work through, postpone, or altogether skip my lunch for the sake of beautiful music making with the little chilluns.  Worry not, faithful friends, I more than make up for it in my off-time.  As you can see though, the aforementioned create this perfect recipe (no pun intended) for my absolute, overwhelming satisfaction when I am able to sit down and enjoy eating my lunch at school.  I'm practically skipping in the hall making up a theme song about lunch consumption, and that is actually not an extreme exaggeration, if you know my impromptu song-making fascination.

Needless to say, when I drop food/miss my mouth/spill things/ I get pretty devastated.  Not like, "Hulk SMASH" angry, but just genuine disappointment.  Sort of like her…

I know, first world problems, but gurrl, I can relate.  Here's a prime example: the slew of students that 

CAUTION!

For quite some time now, I have gotten a sick sense of pleasure out of providing my own narrative to caution signs.  I don't know when it started, exactly, but I think it was some time in college.  Regardless, there is something about the necessary vagueness of said caution signs that makes them particularly vulnerable to manipulation, on varying degrees.  Here are some of the winners I have selected, and opted to share with you, my glorious audience.  Feel free to comment or message me with your own interpretations of these -or other- gems.

Category 1: Generic Caution Signs

Ummm, ok.  Is this addressing immigration?  Kidnapping, perhaps?  Marathon runners?  It's a little unclear to me, so I investigated and this is just your run of the mill pedestrian crossing sign.  Except it's on steroids.  These pedestrians GOT PLACES TO BE.  Barefoot, might I add.  Can I also ask why their fearless leader is looking AT THE GROUND?  When has that ever resulted in a high amount of success crossing the street?  The perk to this sign is that the persons included are wearing clothes.  I give it a 3/10.

Again, I will award bonus points for the clothing aspect of this sign, and I will admit it is a step up (see 

Our Jamaican Honeymoon Adventure - Day 10 [THE FINALE!]

August 27th, day 10

Yes, avid readers, today marks the culmination of our honeymoon adventure, so it may be a little long and detailed, as this is the last thread to which I am clinging of honeymoon memories!  :(

We woke up early-ish (for us, I guess) and conversed with one of the breakfast waitstaff that we had spoken with the other day.  His name was Carlton.

No, not that Carlton.  Although this particular waiter was slightly awkward with his social skills as well.  He was such a nice guy, though, and chatted with Andrew and I for quite a while.  After Carlton left, Milton was walking by, so we chit-chatted for a bit and mentioned that we would likely be seeing him at the Repeaters Dinner this evening.

Now, if you have been a true friend and have been following my honeymoon blog with rapt attention, you will notice that I have mentioned this Repeaters Dinner at least three or four times now.  First, we RSVPed to attend our first week, then we canceled it because of the fact that we were not repeaters.  When we were casually discussing this oopsie with another bartender later the next day, she mentioned that the only way you could get in was by being a repeater, or via invitation, which we didn't have.  THEN we received a phone call a few days later asking us to attend, and despite the fact that we mentioned we did not qualify, they invited us anyway.  I imagine it had something to do with my unimaginably refined volleyball skills.

So, back to our conversation with Milton.  He says, "Oh no, mon.  You can't be at de Repeaters Dinner

Our Jamaican Honeymoon Adventure - Day 9

August 26th, Day 9

As I was skimming through my photos, I realized I had neglected to post some of the really pretty sunset pictures we had gotten from the night prior.   For your viewing pleasure…

We woke up earlier than we had been due to the fact that we were going on the AM tubing trip.  We had what we considered to be pretty accurate information that it would be storming again in the afternoon, so despite the fact that neither of us are particularly early risers, we thought this might be the best bet.

The front desk informed us that the bus would be departing at 8:55, and to get there early so we wanted to get there by 8:45.  Impressed that we could wake up, pack, eat breakfast, and still arrive at 8:42, Andrew and I were fist pumping ourselves for our rare punctuality.  Needless to say, we were surprised when we were hurried out to the bus immediately upon arrival because they were "waiting for us".  For what?  The driver, Cliff (you'll see why this is funny later) told us we were late and we literally laughed, and he literally looked less than amused.  Apparently there was a miscommunication on departure times, but when we showed him our receipt with a clear 8:55 departure time written up top, he toned the fury back a couple of notches.  Besides, Jamaican fury is the equivalent of U.S. mild irritation.

We were headed to White River for our tubing adventure, and that involved us driving up a pretty steep mountain in order to get to the Chukka site.  It reminded me a lot of the way we had to travel when I was in the Scottish Highlands, because in both circumstances the drivers had to beep around the curves, as the lovely minuscule street clearly maintaining a maximum occupancy of one vehicle had to accommodate traffic in both directions.  Yikes.  I was too busy clutching the poor foreign girl's seat ahead of me to film during the really tense climbs, but here is a  video that will give you the basic idea:  (You are also able to hear some of the ridiculous air horns and sound effects in Jamaican DJing, as well.  You're welcome.)

We arrived safely at the Chukka tubing site and got some pretty snazzy helmets to wear to protect our precious noggins.  I was slightly worried about capsizing, but I figured we would be okay as long as we listened to our guides.  It also gave me peace of mind (and piece of bum) to see that there was a plastic plate covering the hole at the bottom of the tube, so our tooshies didn't get scraped.  Phew!  Both the guides were a blast, and really funny.  They would spontaneously slap the water with their paddles screaming, "No!  Get back!  Go away!" to the "alligators" that were "in the river".  They would also intermittently splash you with the frigid water, and blame it on someone else.  Smooooooth.

There were a few times that we had to cross over rapids, which was a lot of fun, and pseudo scary.  As long as you held the handles and were in control of the direction you were facing, it wasn't so bad.  There were some pretty epic photos of us traversing the choppy parts, but because we had already purchased the DVD at Dunns River Falls, we did not end up purchasing any footage of this endeavor.

We (although at times it seemed like BARELY) arrived back to Sans Souci safely, and decided to beach it for a bit in our new, less cool location where we were actually in the proximity of other guests. #FirstWorldProblems.  Despite the fact that we were all at the same all-inclusive resort, it bothered me how inconsiderate some of the guests were.  A few of the couples on our new side of the beach just left glasses and garbage on the beach chairs.  Not to mention they were smoking- and I know it's a free country and all- but it'd be great if it wasn't directly in front of others with the nice ocean breeze blowing their smoke in my face.  Yum!

Am I really finding something to complain about while on my gorgeous honeymoon in Jamaica?  I must be getting homesick at this point, that's the only explanation I can think of.  Over it.  Moving on.  

Andrew and I took a stab at sailing again, or maybe I should say I took a stab at not acquiring a panic attack and making Andrew nervous as he nimbly Captain Jack Sparrowed his way through pretty timid and shallow ocean waters.  Success!  Mostly.  I had a few moments, but overall we were out a lot longer than on our prior endeavor, and we got to go out a little further as well.

Not long after we brought the Hobe Cat back it started to storm again, so back to the room we headed.  We watched Sahara, which I hadn't seen, and had a great time (despite the minor SUH-HAIR-UH versus SUH-HARR-UH debate).

Because it was Tuesday, it was the Beach Party Dinner that we had gone to a week prior with the fire jugglers and steel drum band.  We were uncertain if we would attend, as it had been storming all afternoon since we got back to the room, but the staff did not desist setting up for a moment, so we figured we would stop down since the food selection was phenomenal before.  We ended up sitting with another couple who came down with their parents for their father's birthday.  They were the most pleasant people, and loved hearing about Andrew's and my experiences, wedding, and stories.  It turns out that the young couple had been here before and that they would be at the Repeater's Dinner the following evening.  We had obviously indicated to them that this was our first time here, but that we had received an invitation so we were planning on attending as well.

After most everybody had eaten, Andrew and I had expected the fire spinning we had seen the week prior, but we were surprised that Milton asked up all the honeymooners to do something different.  I love volunteering for things so Andrew and I hopped right up to participate in...a scavenger hunt!  Now, in order to comprehend how much Andrew and I were about to struggle here, let me just preface this with the facts: I am kind of slow, and I freak out when things are timed (Bejeweled Blitz leaves my heart racing and my face in a cold sweat, for starters), and Andrew is a type A must-do-things-perfectly type of person.  This is a deadly combination for the activity we are about to pursue, and not in a good way.

So Milton does a warm up round in which someone must find Milton's boss and bring him to the front of the stage.  Luckily, unlike the other honeymooners, Andrew and I had been there for a week already and knew more of the staff, so we were able to find him quite easily, and Andrew actually hoisted him up and carried him over.  I feel like this should have merited bonus points.  Anyway, the next round required us to find three straws, and although we completed the task, we were the last couple to do so and were, thus, eliminated.  After hearing what was to ensue for the couples left, we were better off, we thought.

The steel drummers were likely as excellent as before, but since we had already heard their performance, we opted to go back to the room to rest up for our next and final day at the resort.

Our Jamaican Honeymoon Adventure - Day 8

August 25th - Day 8

I bet you thought I was never going finish this, eh?  Wrong!  All good things take time, my friends.  Without further adieu, here is day 8...

So, here's the down-side to a resort like this: most couples stay for only seven or eight days.  Well, I suppose this could be a good thing depending on how much you like or dislike the other guests, but in our case we were pretty fond of most of the people from our first week with whom we encountered.  Now here we are, on a Monday, with new people who are exceedingly less cool, less quiet, and more high maintenance than the chill honeymooners who are now on their flights back home.  Bummer.

For example, an ornery woman standing in line with us at the water sports booth exits the line, boisterously "approval-seeking" her indignation at getting reprimanded by the lifeguards.  In their defense, flamboyantly irritated woman, you were awkwardly standing in the way of EVERYONE while trying on at least four or five different flippers.  Your rebuke was probably well-earned.

Anyway, we were also about to engage in a turf war with the new couple in town who stole our secluded trellis spot.  We were about to throw down, when Andrew and I decided that since we had adopted to sleeping in to an unreasonable hour, we had no claim on our beloved location.  Besides, we were instructed not to try our hand at sailing again at the water sports booth because the water was too calm, and it was likely going to storm again.  Translation: the new couple is about to get some banana-snakes in the face, and that's karma enough for me.

We went to the Bella Vista grill for lunch again, and Andrew got a Jerk Burger (he must be making up for all the jerk that is not actually present in his personality…?) and I think I got a burger again.  Eager to book one last excursion before we were to leave on Wednesday, we jetted up what felt like a thousand stairs to the main lobby building to book some white water tubing.  As fate would have it (probably MY karma for wishing banana-snake facials for the seat stealing lovebirds) it started to pour after we arrived to book the trip.  Not having planned to visit the lobby, as this was an impromptu decision, we came financially unprepared, and they could not book the excursion without prior payment.  So, my Prince Charming dashes out into what is now looking like a monsoon to get his wallet, and all I can do is worry that he slipped down one of the thousand or so stone staircases we endured on our way up Mount Olympus.  Luckily, he returned, all be it DRENCHED.  Like, really, really DRENCHED.  Poor guy.  It looked like he had already been tubing and had repeatedly capsized!  After we booked the excursion, we wanted to try to wait out the rain.  Ha.  Ha ha.  No dice.  So we carefully sprinted through the intense, warm, tropical rain back to our room in our soaked clothing.  This downpour lasted just about all day, but we did get some decent footage of it, complete with a very poor quality pixelated zoom, and a view of the pool that was now getting jackhammered to death on a daily basis.

Because of the lack of outdoor activity, we felt little to no shame in drying off by staying in our room and watching the end of Final Destination, and then cutting into the end of the Halle Berry film, Operator.  Seriously, why does anyone even watch the beginnings of movies?  The late-middle to the end of the film is where it's at, and you get to cover a lot more ground if you're only watching only half of every movie!  It's totally a win-win.

After movie time, we went back to the Bella Vista for dinner once the rain had subsided.  We were one of the only couples there, and we got to watch the storm progress across the ocean toward Cuba, and it was positively breathtaking. 

We're approaching the end of our journey, folks- or my journey rather.  Your journey of my journey?  Whatever.  Day nine coming at you soon!

Our Jamaican Honeymoon Adventure - Day 7

August 24th, Day 7

So I fibbed a little and said that the 22nd, was uneventful.  In fact, my Internet friends, the 24th trumps any and all uneventfulness incurred this entire trip.  How cruel is it that I kept you waiting in suspense for the lackluster writing of the lazy of epic proportions that is about to commence?  Very.

It was a fairly cloudy morning, but it didn't stop us from heading to the beach after yet another delicious breakfast.  Today was the first day that I opted to not even cautiously float atop the mysterious ocean waters, and instead lounged and read my book.  We were tucked away in our little nook with our fancy trellis, which proved to be a detriment today, as it started to rain and the wind picked up.  This seems immaterial, but until you have seen the crazy-huge leaves, berries, and banana-snakes, you know nothing, John Snow.  (I will look up the actual name for said large, scary seedlings)

Banana-Snakes

After being hit with tree debris, we were tempted to try our hand at lunch, as it started to rain a little bit as well.  Whilst munching on french fries, Andrew's go-to Jerk Burger, and my grilled snapper sandwich, we were invited by one of the Entertainment Managers (Milton) to play a game of beach volleyball.  We finished our lunch, and then headed over to see if they were still playing.

It had stopped raining, but it was far from a cloudless sky.  This worked well, because we ended up playing volleyball for a good hour or so without an ounce of sunburn, which was an added bonus.  We also ended up playing in the rain, too, so I guess it's all a give and take.

As the game finished (and our team emerged un-victorious, despite my 7 unanswered points) we headed back to the room to hang out/watch snippets of movies on the TV we were proud not to have touched until this very day/nap.  We woke up just in time to catch a late dinner, and the sleep hangover we had acquired prevented me from remembering where we ate when I tried to recollect it in my journal the next day,  Bugger.

We did receive an interesting phone call, however, inviting us to a Repeater's Dinner on Wednesday evening.  Apparently this is an event that guests who are repeat visitors to the resort are invited to, but you may also attend if you have an invitation, apparently.  Wednesday was our last night in Jamaica, so we were obvs going to accept.  What a way to go out in style.  :)

P.S.- You have NO idea how hard it was to find the name of those tricky seed buggers.  To further prove my point, here are some things I googled:

• what are the long thin hard palm tree leaves called?
• long thin hard palm leaves
• hard long palm seed
• dried banana tree (I was getting desperate…)
• banana tree seedling leaves
• caribbean trees
• Jamaican tree long plant seeds
• banana snake (REALLY desperate!)
• Jamaican tree seedlings (getting closer!  I found photos of an acacia tree with similar seedlings)
• Acacia tree pods
• Jamaican Acacia tree pods 
• Flame Tree seed pods (DING DING DING!)

Imagine if Google didn't exist.  How frustrating!?  Ever had that moment you can't think of an actor's name?  Yeah, kiddos.  Keep that in mind next time you get angry at IMDB because it took an alarming 47 seconds to load Matthew McConaughey's page.  The agony!

Our Jamaican Honeymoon Adventure - Day 6

August 23rd, Day 6

So today after breakfast, much like every other day, we meandered our way down to the beach to catch some sun and relax.  To our jovial surprise, the wind was out in full force and sunshine rays weren't the only thing we were looking to catch!  On the far side of the beach were lots of fun water paraphernalia to skirt around in, so- having had extensive kayaking adventures with the one and only Mary- I thought it could be a lot of fun to venture onto choppy ocean waters with a kayak.

In order to partake in this scariest-of-the-pansy-water-sports endeavor, we had to sign waivers.  I didn't really read it thoroughly, as I figured it would scare me to read about all of the things that potentially could happen to me whilst on the water, but Andrew and I signed our newly joint lives away in hopes for some fun adventures on the water.

The downside to the water sport accommodations was that they would only let couples take double kayaks, as that was the only kayak available.  It wasn't a big deal, as Andrew and I are apparently in sync with each above and beyond just being music geeks!  I had to be in front because of weight distribution (thank God, because give or take some pounds it probably should have gone the other way…) and one of the aquatics instructors pushed us out into the water and we were on our way!

Despite the waves being amazing, and terribly fun to splash through, it was a little stifling because we were only able to kayak out to the second row of buoys, which made it hard to paddle into the really fun ones.  I know, right?  Me complaining about the buoys being stifling?  You will see the irony here momentarily.

We headed back to shore for some pool lounging, as today was the last day it would be open due to renovations.  Andrew casually asked if I might like to go sailing with him on one of the Hobie Cat boats, and I agreed because it sounded like a lot of fun!  They were just like the big catamaran we were on, but a slightly smaller build.

When we asked to use one, the guides immediately asked us if we had gotten a tutorial yet, to which we said no, but Andrew assured them that he knew how to sail.  They persisted for a bit, with a few "Ya sure, mon?" queries, but Andrew confidently quieted their doubts, as he had sailed many times before.  I was told where to sit, and when to move, and basically Andrew was going to do the rest.  As we were being led out into the water, Andrew explained what each aspect of the sail was for and showed me what he was doing while explaining it.  He was definitely a very experienced sailor, as he said he had been to sailing school, so I felt a lot safer that he was in charge.

We sailed pretty smoothly past the area where we kayaked a few hours prior, and we were steadily headed toward the buoys, and then a little further.  Wait, no.  This can't be right.  We are PAST the buoys of safety and solace?

In order for this preface to a complete panic attack to make sense, you have to know a couple of things about me:

1) I have an irrational fear of the ocean.  This fear is exacerbated when the ocean waters deepen.
2) Despite living on the river for nearly my entire life, I have never. once. been. sailing.
3) I have an irrational fear of the ocean.

Ok.  Now that we've cleared the air, I feel like I can now properly humiliate myself.  All of a sudden I start breathing really quickly and I can hear my heart beating so clearly it is almost as if it is right in between my ears.  I'm not crying (yet) but I am definitely whimpering.  Andrew lets out an uncomfortable sort of chuckle and asks incredulously, "Baby, are you all right?  Is this for real?"  I wish I could remember all of the ridiculous things I was saying, but all I really remember is the sound of the sail slapping against the pole (mast?  Whatever it's called), lots of whimpers, and just the un-ending feeling that we would capsize at any moment in open water AWAY FROM THE BUOYS OF SAFETY AND SOLACE!  I endured for a bit longer, but I was nearly sobbing when I asked Andrew if we could go back.  He bafflingly obliges, slightly amused but more empathetic toward my dramatic performance, and we head back to shore, but not before scuttling along some delicious looking reef that was hiding from view.

Again, I can't compliment Andrew enough on not only his superb sailing, but his ability to keep calm while an insane person freaked out on his boat.  He explained every detail of what he was doing, and that he would never do anything that would put me in danger, which I of course know.  The beautiful thing about panic attacks is, they're not planned.  This one was also not for any outlandishly logical reason, either.  I knew we would be ok, and I certainly trusted Andrew, but my brain would not settle for a normal heart rate.  It was just- bizarre.

We went back to the pool, after I apologized profusely, and had some lunch before we got ready to take a reggae dance class!  It was reggae night at the Balloon Bar (who are we kidding, though, it was always reggae night) and we wanted to learn some authentic dance moves before attending.  We ate at the Pallazzina again, and this time Andrew and I both ordered the same thing, which were Jerk chicken enchiladas with mozzarella cheese and a tomato cream sauce on top.

We hung out at the bar and asked a few people if there was still going to be a reggae dance class, since we had overheard a few people mention earlier in the week that one had been canceled.  Another couple- here on their "baby moon"- sat with us and waited, and we had a nice chat with them.  Despite our best attempts to ask just about everyone who walked by if they were teaching the class, no one showed and- after 20 minutes- we headed back to the room to hang out until dinner.  Fun fact, a wild peacock roamed over to where we were waiting and just walked around.  I have never seen a peacock outside of a zoo setting before, so it was really cool to see one just grazing.  Is that even the right word?

We went to the Casanova again, since it was in close proximity to the Balloon Bar and we had a fantastic dinner.  Andrew ordered the beef tenderloin again (can you say, "creature of habit"?) and I ordered the orange honey glazed duck breast (or maybe it was peacock breast?) with scalloped sweet potatoes.  Mmm!  For appetizers, Andrew ordered a Caribbean spring roll, while I got the cream of fire tomato and crab soup.  We had some time to kill, so we did get dessert: a Jamaican coffee for Andrew, and a Calypsonian coffee (Tia Maria and creme de menthe) and homemade strawberry ice cream for me.

Us before dinner!

We went down to the main floor outside where the entertainment was happening and danced for a bit, but as you might have guessed, it was really hot (even that late in the evening) so we kept it classy and didn't over-exert ourselves.  After the live entertainment was over, we got to enjoy our first ever piano sing-a-long!  There was a Jamaican man singing with the piano player who was here with his wife, and my God he had the voice of an angel!  It was so resonant and beautiful, and he had an extraordinary range.  By the way he was playing piano, and singing too, it was very clear that he was musically trained.  Andrew and I cautiously made our way over to get a better look (and listen!) and also to see what other songs were available to perform.  As it turns out, Mr. Angel Voice loves Phantom of the Opera, so we sang Music of the Night together.  I was pumped because I had just gotten my voice back a few days prior, and I of course made Andrew record it.  For your viewing pleasure:

Although this was the only song on video, Andrew totes stole the show with his unbelievable harmonizing ability.  He sang with Mr. Angel Voice as they did an impromptu performance of Knockin' on Heaven's Door, and also harmonized with me on Someone Like You by Adele.  We ended with a rousing rendition of Hey Jude, with a few other songs spruced in there as well.  Andrew and I were fairly intoxicated (yes I put my drink on the piano in the video, and yes I slapped my own wrist later for doing it) but we wanted to take a late night swim before the pool was gone for good, so we changed into swimsuits and hopped in for a bit.  We then went up to bed, ready to take on day seven in the morning!

P.S. - So, 25% of you thought I would just willy nilly jump right into the ocean, while 0% thought I took the chicken walk in for a dip.  37% thought I just dipped my toes in, while another 37% thought I said, "Eff that" to all of the aforementioned.  I am here to surprise y'all, as I did go in!  Just not via ostentatious jumping.  I proudly took the chicken walk into the ocean where we were anchored with my life jacket on, and floated behind the boat while promptly clutching one of the ropes attached to it.  I may not be the most daring, but I was proud that I wasn't 100% scared of getting in the water.  :-)

Our Jamaican Honeymoon Adventure - Day 5

August 22nd, Day 5

At this point I'm sure everyone reading this must think that Andrew and I filled our honeymoon with exciting adventures and thrilling excursions, but I'm here to tell you that day 5 is not one of those exciting, magnificent days chock-full of magic and wonder, so in opposition to my last post, this one will likely prove to be brief.

After waking up and eating my regular pound of Jamaican Bacon, we headed over to the beach to read, lay out in the sun, and partake in bikini envy.  Perhaps that last bit was just me.  Anyway, since there wasn't a whole lot going on, I took sone random photos.  Enjoy.

Are they hot dogs, or legs?  Even I can't be sure

My pretty piggies!

This is a good picture.  The better picture would be his face
filled with rage after I took it, though.

After beaching out, we went to the Bella Vista grill for lunch, and Andrew got the Jerk Burger, while I jumped out of my comfort zone and tried the exotic grilled ham & cheese sandwich.  Ha.  It was yummy, though.  While we were sitting discussing lunch, and possible other excursions, we were reminded of one of the couples who went to Dunns River Falls with us, because they said they were going to try snorkeling.  Andrew queried how we could contact them, since we didn't know their names, but lo and behold they were sitting right behind us! 

We had a nice chat, and discussed their not-so-great snorkeling experience.  Apparently the waters were choppy, which resulted in the water rising over the snorkel and getting into their mouths, which they admitted was not pleasant.  They did also say that the view of the reef was gorgeous, but that there was not enough time allotted to swim to the other side to see the sunken ship that was on the East side.  After hearing their pleasant and honest account of their trip, we decided that, given I feel I might die at any time whilst even partially submerged in ocean water, this might not be the best excursion for us.  We thanked them, and went on our merry way, as we had a busy afternoon planned.  Yoga at 3:00, meditation at 4:00, and a photo shoot on the beach at 5:00.

2:30 rolled around, and Andrew and I were in the room reading.  He says, "Do you really want to do yoga?  It's probably going to be really hot."  *Disclaimer- Andrew is totally allowed to complain here as, A) he gets extraordinarily hot in even temperate conditions, and B) he has been getting up every other morning to work out at the fitness center.  Try hard. *  To which I reply, "Honey, I didn't even want to really go in the first place."  Thus, the 4:00 meditation didn't happen either.  I mean, unless you count lounging around in a bathrobe mediation, in which case there was lots of it.  And then some nap time.

Waking up around 4:00, I woke Andrew up and said, "Come on, babe, we have to get ready to do the photo shoot!"  To which he said, "This is going to be so awkward.  People are going to be around us and on the beach and we're just going to be in their way."  So we called the photographer, Kenesha, to tell her we would not be attending the shoot.  More napping.

The starlight dinner was slated to start at 7:30, so we un-comatosed ourselves to make ourselves presentable.  Despite having been to the beach party just days prior and figuring I knew the ropes, this gala was a lot different.  The chefs and decorators really pulled out all the stops, as there was arguably even MORE food than the first outdoor gala, and ice sculptures to boot.  Preettty snazzy.

As luck would have it, we sat next to the couple we were talking to at lunch, and (for the first time in four days) actually thought to ask them their names!  Nick and MJ are from a suburb of Chicago, and were very cool, and we had an awesome time hanging out with them at our table.  Another really nice couple from Poughkeepsie, NY joined us at the table, too, but despite them being really pleasant we didn't get their names.  Maybe we have a subconscious four-day rule?

Andrew is either ruining this photo, or making it amazing.
Probably both.

Meanwhile, a group called Ebony was performing in three part harmony to some killer songs, and although part of me wanted to dance, I was just too winded from the long and exhausting day we had.  That was totes a joke.  Andrew was too hot but assured me he would save some dancing for the after party on the Sunset Beach, so I let him off the hook.

Nick, MJ, Andrew and I headed over to the after party, but every spot was already occupied at the bar and tables, and they weren't playing any music we were super fond of dancing to, so we bailed pretty early and went to the Bella Vista bar where our good friend Brian was once again serving up tasty libations.

The four of us talked quite a bit, with some intermittent conversation with Brian, about the weddings we had, the stresses, their hockey teams and Stanley Cup themed wedding cake, and lots of other things, when Nick mentioned something to Brian along the lines of, "Do they get a lot of celebrities at this resort?"  Brian had to think for a moment, but then replied with, "Oh ya, mon.  Just last week Will Smith came to de bar."

Hold.  The.  Phone.  Will Smith?  Here?  Maybe even in the same spot I'm sitting?  I kind of lost it.

"Ohmigosh really?  Did you talk to him?  What did you say?  Was he super nice?  What room was he in?  Did he shake your hand?  Can I shake your hand?"

Brian laughed at me, but he was awesome and shook my hand AND answered all of my questions.  Will Smith is SO nice, he was not staying at the resort, but he did shake Brian's hand and he likes to drink Cape Cods, which is what I was drinking all week!  We're like, practically besties.

I GOTTA QUESTION I NEED TO ASK SOMEBODY/  WHY IS IT THAT WHEN Y'ALL SEE ME AT A PARTY/ Y'ALL BE LOOKING LIKE "OOH HE A MOVIE STAR, HE AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE OUT ON THE FLOOR WITH EVERYBODY"

My infatuation infused conversation came to a close, and we talked about other, non-stalkerish things, until Brian had to make a call to another bar and I blurted out, "Oh my God are you calling him, Brian?  Can you ask him if he'll come back?!"  Again, laughs at me- not with me.  IDC.

We then parted ways with Nick & MJ and went back to the room, to rest up and get ready to tackle a (hopefully) much less lazy day ahead.

Our Jamaican Honeymoon Adventure - Day 4

So this was a long day, and thus is a long post.  Feel free to skim, or approach this entry how I approach the menus at Denny's: by solely looking at the pictures.

Andrew yells at me for laying on the bed in a wet swimsuit,
but the look on my face accurately portrays my absence of care.

August 21st, Day 4

The fourth day of our trip had a very relaxing start, as we had scheduled a massage in the morning.  Being newlyweds, we were each given a complimentary 25 minute body massage at Charlie's spa on the resort.  This was particularly exciting for me, as I have never had a professional massage before.

After a hearty breakfast (and a mimosa) we headed up what seemed like 1,000 steps to get to the spa.  We had to fill out a questionnaire on arrival, which asked had we eaten food or consumed alcohol in the last hour.  When we checked both boxes, Monique (the spa receptionst) sounded surprised that we had already been drinking before 9 am.  I guess reading that last sentence back, it does make us sound like raging alcoholics, but my theory is that they wouldn't provide mimosa ingredients at 7:30 am if they didn't want you to get a head start with your drinking.

I can imagine if you've ever had a relaxing massage that there was either very soothing music playing, or that there may have been a sound machine emulating things like a babbling brook, the rainforest, or ocean waves crashing on a rocky shore.  I have no experience to compare this to, but I can't think of a better ambiance then actually laying in a shady gazebo on the ocean hearing actual waves crash against the rocky shore.  Despite the really greasy feeling afterward, it was just as relaxing as everyone claims it to be, and Andrew and I enjoyed feeling pampered to start our day.

I had to shower to get all the oil off of me, but then we packed our bags for the afternoon cruise we signed up for (recommended to us by Dave Parker, thanks again!) and made our way down to the beach.  Today was the first day we experimented with laying in the sun, and it was neither refreshing nor comfortable.  I only endured for about 30 minutes, but the silver lining to the raging heat was the immediate cooling sensation from the ocean water.  Before you commend me in my bravery of submerging in ocean water, let me just clarify that I merely bounced on my inflatable raft until I got fully wet.  Thanks for the vote of confidence, though.

One of the nice things about this resort is that, whilst on the beach, the bartenders provide you with a blue flag.  They consistently make rounds to ask if people need drinks, and they also come to you anytime you wave your little blue flag.  It's definitely a promotion of laziness, not even having to get up to get your own beverage, but it was very convenient.

We went back to the Pallazzina for lunch, and Andrew was really excited to order the Pad Thai, and I ended up ordering sweet & sour chicken.  Maybe I just haven't brushed up enough on my Oriental cuisine, or maybe I don't know what it's really supposed to taste like, but I found it interesting that the best sweet & sour chicken I have eaten came from Jamaica.

Since we planned ahead enough to pack our bags for the catamaran cruise, we headed straight from the beach to the lobby, where we were to depart to the other Couples resort, Tower Island, to set off on our trip to the dock.  Once we got to the lobby, we got ready to hop on the bus to the other resort, when the driver asked for our voucher.  Yes, we did have it…in the safe in our room, which was like a mile away.  We had a driver take a company car through the narrow walkways and roads in the resort to expedite the process, so it was kind of nice that we were the only ones from our resort heading over to the cruise.  At least our forgetfulness is only holding us up, and not others.  Once we got the voucher, we got on the bus to the other resort, where we were chauffeured by a driver working at the resort.  And we are alone as a couple, so you can see where this is headed...

"Hey mon!  You just married, ya?  I show you de best for less!  I give tours of de REAL Jamaica, mon.  We see de bobsledding, and Mc Jagger's house.  We even see de place Bob Marley lived!  Only $70 for tree (three) hours of de real Jamaica, are you interested?"

Of course we're not.  We, being you and I, have gone over this before.  So naturally, Andrew responds, "Oh man, that does sound interesting!  What do you think, honey?"  Now, I know Andrew doesn't really want to do this, but he has this disorder where saying no to people physically ails him, so he encouragingly looks at me, where I clearly have to put my foot down and be assertive, so I say, "Oh, uh, well…we have this photo shoot tomorrow at 5:00, so, ummm, well- we will think about it and let you know!"  Yep.  That's how I assert myself.

So we get off the bus at the resort and we are so excited to see what it looks like.  They are owned by the same company, but each Couples resort is a little bit different, and we wanted to see if we'd made the right choice by going with Sans Souci.  Life, after all, is just one big competition.

I really liked the decor in their lobby, and the view from the balcony was priceless, however, upon further investigating we think we picked the resort best suited for our interests.  While Couples Tower has a gorgeous island across the bay that you can swim or boat up to, it is pretty exposed to the elements in terms of the water, and it was very vulnerable and choppy.  The kayakers we observed just paddled in circles, and there was virtually no one in the water.  There was also a much larger beach than ours, which can be a + or - depending on how you feel, and thus three rows of beach chairs along the shore, making nice views harder to enjoy.  The rooms were pretty much all in a block together, more or less like a hotel, so there may not have been as much variety in the rooms that were included.

View of Couples Tower Resort

One of the nice things about Sans Souci is that it is very secluded, lush, and private, which is what we were looking for.  The beach is smaller, but there is no interference with the wind, as we are hidden in a bay.  As you can see, the Sans Souci layout is more like little multi room condominiums sprinkled along the resort, hiding between stone pathways, marble stairs, lush green trees and colorful flowers.  There are many ocean front rooms, that we didn't really see with the other resort.

Overhead view of Couples Sans Souci resort

Sans Souci also has three pools: one with a swim up bar, one with a waterfall, and one was a mineral pool. Because there were eight different blocks of rooms, each one had very different layouts, patio sizes, and views.  It's nice because you can elect for a different room each time you visit, so that you never get the same view twice.  We were in the Azalea block (I'M SO FANCY) so we got a nice pool/beach view.

Waterfall pool off of the Balloon Bar

The main (aka non-nude) beach

The swim-up bar located in the main pool

Anyway, I digress!  We had to then board ANOTHER bus to get to the catamaran, and as mentioned, we were the only Sans Souci couple there, which was fine.  We did see the couple we met on the first day getting off the airplane on the boat.  Small world, eh?

We boarded the boat, and had to help load some large crates, which we found out contained liquor.  This was more or less a booze cruise, and I was elated to hear it.  There were three or four Jamaican gentlemen helping to navigate and sail the catamaran, and one of them was DJing as well.  It was like he tapped into my 9th grade dream playlist of objectifying hip hop music, and I loved it- despite the fact there was no Will Smith.  Funny thing about Jamaican DJing- they will add raucously loud sound effects and random recorded phrases in the middle of whatever they're playing, whether it makes sense or not.  It was a little disconcerting at first, and then it just became ridiculously funny.  I suppose DJs in the states do similar things but, you really have to hear it to know what I mean.  To each their own!

We got to see some very cool things, including Mystic Mountain, Dolphin Cove, and the limestone quarry that was blown up in one of the James Bond movies!

Very poor shot of the limestone quarry

We didn't see the sunset on the sunset cruise, but we saw
lots of the sun so that's halfway there

So after a little tour and some interesting music, we dropped anchor to go swimming.  Ummm, what?  No one said this was a part of the tour.  I could tell you that I was brave and that I dove in, or I could tell you that my deep sea documentaries got the better of me and I pansied out.  How about I let you all vote on it and I will tell you what I did afterward.  That sounds more mysterious and excitable.  Oh, and Andrew did a sideways flip off the boat because he's a showoff.  <3

So when I was researching this cruise, I saw pictures of people dancing on the boat, which looked like so much fun!  When everyone made their way back on the boat to dry off, the captain asked for four male volunteers and, knowing that Andrew is a fantastic dancer, I volunteered him.  I could tell that, deep down, he wanted to do it.  Once all four tributes were volunteered by their spouses, I was a little horrified to find out that this was not a fun-loving dance-off, but a drinking competition.  Oops.

Here are the rules: the count of one, cups are up; the count of two, cups are at your lips, the count of three, you drink.  If you spill, you have a two drink penalty.  Enjoy!

So, that was four rum punches in 2:38, and because- and I quote the captain- "I can't believe a white boy can drink rum so fast!", they had a round three, and Mr. Willis won that too.  I'm such a proud wifey.  :-)

After that, we did some dancing, and sailed back to the docking area.  Luckily for us, the bus driver dropped us off at Sans Souci since it was on the way.  Buuuut that meant that our "I'll show you de best for less" driver came to pick us up and we weren't there…oops again.  At least we managed to weasel our way out of either confessing we lied about being interested about his offer, or politely accepting despite our mutual disdain for the idea.  Go, go gadget passive aggressive awkward responses!

We went to the beach for a bit, and hung out at the bar where we met Brian, soon to be our all time favorite bartender.  He was doing the COOLEST tricks while making us delicious drinks, and engaging in conversation about how there are no fat Jamaicans and what reggae music he liked.  We then had dinner on the beach from the Bella Vista menu, which we'd never done before.  We both ordered the beef tenderloin, and also got a calamari appetizer.  It came with tartar sauce, which would not do for me, so I asked if they could put some of the mango chutney sauce on it instead, and because everyone there was incredibly awesome, they obliged, and it tasted magnificent. 

If you look carefully, this is actually an awesome photo
of a guy diving into the ocean

Sunset smiles!

Beach chairs and palm trees at sunset

A kitty came to visit us (there are three stray cats and one kitten on the resort) while we were eating, and while I held my will power, Andrew caved and fed the feline beef tenderloin.  Not only would the cat not move and just stared pathetically at Andrew for the duration of dinner, but another diner chidingly called us out on feeding it, since the cat had now parked by our table and this guy had done something similar the other night and got yelled at by his wife.  Surprisingly enough, all four cats are very trim, almost skinny.  I'm sure they're rarely hurting for a good meal.

We went back to the bar to hang out with Brian.  There was a piano sing-a-long at the Balloon Bar happening the next evening, and we asked Brian what songs he'd like to hear most, to which he replied Great Balls of Fire and Big Bamboo.  We knew one of these songs, but were keen on researching the other one.  As it would turn out, neither of us remembered the name of it when we got back to the room, so we went to bed, planning on asking Brian again tomorrow.

Our Jamaican Honeymoon Adventure - Day 3

August 20th, Day 3

After a slow, groggy, and painful start to the morning (getting used to the Jamaican cuisine was tough at first), we made our way down to the Pallazzina for breakfast earlier than usual, as we had to catch an 8:55 bus to Dunns River Falls.  Being practical, I sported a monokini for this excursion, as I don't know much about waterfalls, but I can surmise that string bikinis and bandeau tops don't fare well in them.

In order to participate in said waterfall climb, we were required to purchase REALLY SEXY WATER SHOES.  The perk is that they say "Jamaica, no problem!" on them.  Andrew got a really nice pair that was black, yellow, and green to match the Jamaican flag, and I (like always) got stuck with whatever color scheme was left in the all too common size 8.  It was hot pink, neon green, and grape purple.  Jamaica, no problem?

Anyway, when we got on the bus, our driver Prince (not sure if that's an alias or his real name, but he was not the artist formerly known, for sure) sat down for a serious talk that went something like,

"You guys, we have a serious problem. *worried looks among couples*  We need a new driver.  *confused looks*  Yeah, mon.  I had way too much to drink last night and I'm still drunk.  *horrified looks*  Yeah, mon.  What we're going to need is one of you to drive the bus today while I navigate."  I'm not sure if you realize this, but in case you don't, here's a fun fact about Jamaica: they drive on the left-hand side of the road.

At this point, people are audibly murmuring, and a few people hesitantly step up to drive, until Prince says, "Ok, mon!  Well you see, it's a manual transmission." Now the bus goes nearly silent when my lovable, pointdexter husband says, "Does the manual transmission shift from right to left or left to right?" halfway out of his seat, ready to cruise in a large tour bus down narrow streets on the opposite side of the road with an old, manual transmission.  Awesomeness.

Luckily for us, Prince was just joshin' us.  We all breathed a huge sigh of relief, except Andrew, who secretly mentioned that he was really looking forward to driving.

We got to the falls, and Prince sat us down for a REAL serious talk this time.  He said that a lot of people are going to try to sell us items after our tour, as we have to walk through a sort of flea market to get back to the entrance.  Apparently, a lot of vendors say that an item is free and thrust it in your hands, and then ask you to pay for it.  He also ran us through the protocol for the tour guides and how we should pay for the DVD accurately, should we choose to buy it, so we don't get scammed.

So the falls were really beautiful, and it was cold, refreshing fresh water, so I didn't have to worry about rogue jellyfish.  PHEW.  The climb was relatively easy, considering it was over 960 feet high.  It was laid out in such a way that it plateaued frequently, so it didn't necessarily feel like you were climbing a whole lot at one time.

Our tour guide was so much fun and made sure that we got lots of fun footage on the DVD.  Each tour guide had a videographer with them with a waterproof camera, so that when we were finished with the tour we could purchase a souvenir of the adventure.  I was amazed to find out that they did not mail the DVD to our room, but gave it to us on the spot as we were leaving!  I suppose they have this routine down to a science, though.

Sure enough, as we left the falls on our way back to the bus, we were hounded by many an eager Jamaican vendor.  Having been in countless flea markets in Florida, I was very used to this environment, but still felt obliged to politely decline.  Andrew has a Canadian maple leaf tattoo on his back, which proved to be a disadvantage for trying to escape persistent vendors.  "Hey you!  Maple leaf mon!  MADE IN CANADA!"  It was highly amusing, but it did result in us getting borderline chased by excitable Jamaicans.

Once we got back to the resort, we hung out at the bar and had lunch at the Bella Vista grill, which was new for us.  I got a bacon cheeseburger, while Andrew got a Jerk Burger, which he raved about.  We spoke with some couples at the bar who *shocker* had the same wedding date as us.  They also introduced us to the vomit-inducing, aesthetically appealing shot that is the Bob Marley.

It looks cute…but it's not

Yeah, I know.  It looks elegant and spunky and super fruity and tasty.  I assure that it is none of those things.  If you have ever had cherry cough syrup, particularly Robitussin, think about what it would taste like if you mixed it with menthol spearmint sore throat spray…that, my friends, is what a Bob Marley tastes like.  Oh, what's in it, you ask?  Grenadine, (not SO bad) banana liqueur, (uhh, gross) and creme de menthe (WTF?).  Apparently there is overproof rum in there somewhere too.  Mm mm, good.  Also, ours were served in martini glasses with a straw, so we were expected to put the straw in the center and suck it up as quickly as possible.  You know, they wouldn't want you to miss that yummy banana liqueur in the middle of all of that prescription medicine.

I'm pretty sure we napped after that.  We made a reservation earlier in the evening at the only restaurant we hadn't visited, which was the Casanova.  Not only was the food amazing, but I have never had more conscientious or careful service in a food establishment in my life.  Our waiter was just perfect, and his name was Euron.  Andrew ordered a bottle of Kendall-Jackson Cabernet, and he also got crab cakes for an appetizer that were very tasty and delicate.  I ordered the lobster bisque, which was soooo good, but served in a unique way.  The lobster and creme fraiche were brought out to me in the soup bowl, which looked odd.  Euron then came by with what looked like a coffee urn with the hot broth to pour atop the other ingredients.  It was kind of neat to see soup served so differently.  Andrew ordered the beef tenderloin, medium, for his entree, while I settled for lobster tail.  I tried a bit of his, and both were prepared to perfection.  We did indulge in dessert (primarily because we still had a ton of wine left) and while Andrew got the bourbon bitter chocolate tart with a Jamaican coffee (coffee with Appleton rum) I opted for the creme brûlée, which was really good.

Andrew and I at the Casanova restaurant

After dinner, we were still wiped out after a long afternoon of climbing, so the hay we hit.  Keep your eyes peeled for my recollections of day four!