So yeah, it's been awhile. Despite what my husband believes, I don't actually enjoy making excuses, although I tend to have more than my share of them. Here are the excuses, er, reasons I've been absent these past few months:
- Full time job
- Beginning my school's musical
- Christmas concerts galore
- Buying a new house
- Moving into said house
- Taking a psychology class online
- Studying for said class' midterm and final
- Preparing and proposing my thesis for my graduate degree
- Being pregnant
One of my 8th graders said what we're all thinking the other day in class, and I have to echo her sentiments wholly, "Life is hard". I can't remember exactly what we were discussing to make this realization hit her hard enough to vocalize it to the chorus, but it got a chuckle out of me, as I sarcastically responded with something akin to, "Yes, my little chickadee, life as an 8th grader is really difficult, but I assure you that your life gets no easier than it is right now." She, and the rest of the class looked at me as though I had just replaced all of their Christmas gifts with coal, but despite our significant age gap, I do remember what 8th grade was like, and it did suck. However, if I could take the bills, loans, paperwork, spam mail, and money problems in my adult life and swap them with my junior high cherubs' woes of gossip, friendship, missing the bus, forgetting homework, and relationship drama, I would do it in a heartbeat.
While I didn't have the time to go on a motivational speaker-like tangent at the time, there have been at least two different occasions where this story has come up these past few weeks, and I figured now was the best time to tackle the issue.
Newsflash: life IS hard. It's probably the hardest thing you'll have to do, like, ever. The other thing to be aware of, though, is that you are ultimately in charge of it. I think too often we (and I am definitely included here, given the excuse-making scenario above) tend to place blame on so many external factors when things don't go the way we want them to. While, yes, sometimes things get in the way and it is a perfectly justifiable reason for things not going to plan, when this happens again, and again, you need to ask yourself if you truly are the butt of some cosmological joke where legitimate issues ALWAYS prevent life from going your way, or maybe- just maybe- you are subconsciously making excuses for why things didn't go the way they were supposed to. Perhaps, you are getting in your own way more than you'd care to admit.
Maybe this doesn't apply to you, but at times it certainly applies to me, so I have done a little soul searching and am attempting to make the most out of my time. In preparation for a new year, I have compiled five pieces of advice for you to take into 2016. Maybe you don't need all of them, but I'd encourage you to at least check them out. While we always want things to go smoothly, it's often the more turbulent moments that we gain the most wisdom, so I'm hoping you can take some of my turbulence and learn from it, so that you can have a happy, healthy, and productive New Year!
STOP PROCRASTINATING. As a high schooler and college student, this was an acceptable trait I possessed, and the excuse "Well, I work better under pressure!" was cute. Now, in my late 20s, not completing things in a timely fashion or with my best effort is neither cute, nor acceptable, and I have had to face some consequences this year for my less-than-adult-like behaviors. Nothing huge, but big enough for me to take a look at what I was doing from an objective perspective to see that I was ultimately the cause of my own turmoil. I'll address this more specifically later, but proper time management is HUGE. This is information that, as a mom-to-be, all of my mom-friends are sharing with me left and right, and while I'm sure I won't properly understand it until I have my child I'm doing what I can to be proactive about my time now. And let me tell you, it makes a difference.
TAKE IT EASY WITH SOCIAL MEDIA. The older I get, the less this social media experience makes sense to me. "Mrs. Willis, are you on Tumblr? Do you know what Tinder is? What about YikYak?" No, no, and no. Seriously? This is what you do when you get home from school? See what others in the world are doing? How is that even satisfying? I am guilty of the occasional Facebook stalking as much as the next person, but at least these are people I know. I felt the same blatant distaste when reality shows like The Real World, Survivor, and Big Brother started coming out. While they are all entertaining I'm sure, let me break this down for you: You are literally watching other people live their life. Sue me, but I find that incredibly boring, and please believe that I have enough amazing and interesting people in my ACTUAL social circles that I'd rather live my life with them, than watch and read about other people living theirs. Give real life a chance, you guys. Give it a chance.
LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE. It utterly confuses me when I see people so caught up with "living in the moment" that they make rash decisions that could impact the rest of their life without thinking. Being a high school teacher I see a lot of drama, broken relationships, gossip, and changing of friend circles, and I think that is a part of growing up, finding yourself, and finding who you click with. But what about adulthood? I'm hoping that at this point, we know ourselves well enough to decide who we can or cannot "play nice with", which makes half of this equation easier, but I can't lie that my heart breaks a little when I hear about friends or family that have a "falling out."
I can't be in everyone's shoes, and I don't know everyone's perspective, so I'm sure there are legitimate reasons for cutting people out of one's life. If a relationship is no longer healthy, it serves you no purpose anymore, and I get that, but I suppose when it's family I just get sad about it. Some things are out of your control: substance abuse, addiction, and innate stubbornness being a few. Obviously you are only one side of the relationship, but take a look at your position: are you the one prohibiting the relationship from being mended? If so, is it really worth it?
I'm not casting judgment, and I know that every circumstance is different, but coming from a position where I seriously considered permanently shutting out my father, all I can say is now I am very glad I didn't. Not having him around anymore, I now no longer have the choice, and I cherish every moment we got to spend together- some much happier memories than others. Having him be ill for so long just got me thinking, "What if I told him I didn't want him in my life anymore, and he was gone the next day? How would I feel knowing that was the last thing I said to my father?" If you have a broken relationship, and it's important to you, fight for it. Try to repair it. No one is going to be around forever, and regret is a terrible thing to have to live with.
MAKE TIME FOR WHAT'S IMPORTANT. 2015 was a big year for my husband and I, for a lot of the reasons stated above. One of the things that was good for me with all of the changes that were coming about, was whittling out what I did, and did not have time for. This forced me to take a look at my schedule, and basically clear it out of everything that was going to interfere with my immediate goals: stay employed, be a good wife, be a good mom. Pretty small list, but one would be naive to think that any one of these three goals is easy, and doesn't come at the cost of a lot of time, effort, and planning. I made the decision to drop just about everything I was doing that was not family or work related, and while I am bummed at the fact that some of my most beloved activities and singing groups are now on the back burner or are dissipated, I am happy with the choices I've made. 17-27 year-old Corri was unmarried, baby-less, and had the world at her fingertips. I knew that at some point I wouldn't have all of that free time, so I did a lot of things, like...
- Traveling to Jamaica, Scotland, Wales, Great Britain, and Italy
- Playing ultimate frisbee
- Competing in pageants
- Baton twirling
- Working with one of my best friends to create a 501c3 not for profit pageant organization
- Playing poker
- Joining barbershop choruses, quartets, and a cappella groups
- Blogging
- Competing in Cornhole tournaments
- Visiting the two most magical places on earth with my fiancé (the Jurassic Park World and the Harry Potter World at Universal Studios)
...among many other things. Despite the fact that my bucket list has more unscratched items than scratched items I'm not giving up on it yet, but I do need to take a break and focus on my family. The last 10 years have been awesome, and I've grown a lot. While the things I've been a part of, done and seen are very important to me, I have new goals that require my time and dedication. Making time for what's important is not about eliminating the past, so much as it is balancing it with the present, and planning for the future.
Two of the number one things that I hear people complain about on Facebook are babies and weddings. "Ugh, someone else is getting married! Another baby picture? Gosh, don't these people have lives?" I'm biting my tongue really hard here, as this inner monologue plays out in my mind of people complaining about what other people do with their time on Facebook (I think this whole topic makes me a pseudo-hypocrite, but look at how much I care. This much -----> ). I feel strongly about two things regarding this conundrum that, honestly, people put themselves into:
- I would much rather look at babies, weddings, and engagement announcements than political garbage, people's meals, and I'm-begging-you-to-comment-on-my-appearance-selfies any day of the week. This is just my opinion though, and since not everyone agrees, it brings me to my second set of feelings...
- Do you know why I don't watch Duck Dynasty? It's because I don't like it. Do you know what I would do if I turned on the TV and it came on? I would change the channel. Let that sink in for a moment. Yeah. You, YES YOU, have the power to see, and ultimately unsee anything you like, or dislike on Facebook. Powerful stuff, eh?
The number one thing that I don't have time for that people love to do/be/harbor in life (and mostly on Facebook)?...NEGATIVITY. Ain't nobody got time for that! Guess how long it took you to write that status that complained about what someone else was doing? One to four minutes (after you carefully worded it so that you can be snarky/vague enough to get your point across without overtly offending anyone...sneaky sneaky, you are). Guess what you could have done with that time instead?
- Made a Hot Pocket
- Done 44 jumping jacks
- Pet a baby pig approximately 127 times
- Told at least 6 people you loved them
See what I mean? Negativity takes time. Precious time. Use it for good, Luke, not for evil.
Sorry if you got nothing out of this, but I hope you did! Here's hoping that- with or without my advice- your 2016 brings you and your family good health and many blessings.
Much love,
Corri
