Corri's Post-Christmas Naughty & Nice (Play)List

Hello friends, and Merry Christmas to you!

Since Christmas Day is officially behind us, one of my favorite radio stations has ceased its nonstop December Christmas music marathon.  Sad face.  Hearing many of the same, quintessential holiday songs in different arrangements made me nostalgic for my Christmas post in 2014 where I rated the top 10 best/worst holiday songs.  I re-visited the list today and noticed that not only do I have additional songs to add to both lists, but that I disagree with my past self on a few of the items.  Go figure.  Here is my 2017 version of the top five best and worst Christmas songs.  Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Worst:

5) Winter Wonderland - The Eurythmics
I heard this song on the radio several times this season, and I found myself wanting to pull over out of fear each time the intro played.  The rest of the song is ok, but humor me for a second, and imagine this introduction without vocals.  The 80s synthesizer of death is beyond terrifying, and needs to go.

4) Step into Christmas - Elton John
I don't actually mind this song all that much.  I think it's clever, catchy, and kind of fun, actually.  Much like it's predecessor on this list though, I have a huge problem with one part, and it ruins the song for me completely.  After the first or second refrain, each time he says "The admission's free", it sounds like you just lost a life in a game of Number Munchers.  Who sat in the mixing booth and decided that should remain in the final cut?  Yuck.

3) All I Want for Christmas is You - Vince Vance & The Valiants ft. Lisa Layne
Maybe it's just because I am not a huge country fan that I don't like this song, but every time it comes on, it feels like a low budget dirty movie soundtrack to me.  Her voice is just so rugged and out of control that I don't enjoy listening to it.  I do feel badly that the title of their song got hijacked and ultimately ended in much more popularity than the original, but I would contest that the Mariah Carey song which shares this title is much better.

2) I Like a Sleigh Ride (Jingle Bells) - Peggy Lee
If you can get past the 14 "I Like a Sleigh Ride" repetitions to get into the meat of the song, it's actually not too bad, but anytime the children come back in with that horrific part, any progress made is irrevocably undone.  Did she lose a bet?  Did she owe someone a favor?  Who is thinking that these children ADD to this holiday song?  Not I.  Not I, indeed.

1) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Christina Aguilera
I hadn't ever heard this arrangement until a few days ago, and about halfway through the first verse, my husband and I could not stop laughing.  While Miss Aguilera is arguably one of the most vocally acrobatic of singers, her interpretation in most of her music makes the resulting song un-singable.  The only thing worse than not being able to sing along to a song on the radio is not being able to sing along with a Christmas song on the radio, and Xtina makes that goal absolutely impossible to meet.  A lot of times less is more, and by oversinging every phrase to the point of hilarity, it almost makes the song feel like a mockery.  Oversinging might drive the point home that you are capable of incredibly difficult melismas and runs, but it also highlights your inability to think musically and to put what enhances the song's meaning above what enhances your vocal abilities.

Best:

5) I Love the Winter Weather - Tony Bennett
This song is soon underrated!  I don't remember hearing it prior to this Christmas season, but I heard it several times and it just made me so jolly.  His voice has such an easiness to it that I find incredibly relaxing.  The way the piece ties in with "I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm" also doesn't hurt, since that is one of my favorite wintertime songs as well.

4) Winter Wonderland - Jason Mraz
I think we can all agree that this is one of the most coveted of carols to cover (pretty good alliteration, amiright?), but as is the case with most songs with a high quantity of covers, most are average at best, and few are high quality and different enough to both separate itself from the original, while still doing it homage.  This song, in my opinion, does a fantastic job at both.  His plucky and rhythmic accompaniment suits his voice impeccably, and changes the piece in a really fun way without making it unrecognizable.  Kudos, Jason Mraz.  Ya done good.

3) Sleigh Ride
While many re-makes of this song are great, this recording is my favorite.  Some songs are, well, just perfect the first time around.  While I don't mind re-imaginings of this classic piece, this one will always be the best for me.

I am mildly annoyed, though, that someone decided to add lyrics, because now I sing the lyrics in my head when I hear the instrumental version and I feel like it is overshadowing my attempt to hear the story from the instrumental perspective, which may have nothing to do with the chestnuts going "pop pop pop!".  It's sort of like seeing the movie before the book, and being unable to visualize the characters in a way other than the appearance of the actors or actresses.

(There COULD NOT be a better thumbnail for this video)

2) Carol of the Bells - Pentatonix
I know I mentioned in my post from three years ago that any Pentatonix Christmas arrangement is a contender, but I feel this one needs to be called out on its own.  Is it lovely?  Yes.  Is the arrangement equal parts complex and yet recognizable?  Also yes.  But let's focus for a moment on a part that I think is utterly brilliant, and most likely unappreciated: the magic that is 2:18.  What is Mitch even doing?  It's not really human.  His accuracy and delicacy with a run that is both lengthy and very complex is astounding to me.  I'm not naive enough to believe that he sang it through the four or five times it is played in this recording, as I'm sure it was recorded and replayed, but the fact that he can do it even once that well is enough to make me a lovely shade of holly green with envy.  Well done, indeed!

1) We Need a Little Christmas - Johnny Mathis
So, after those accolades, what could top that?  None other than Johnny Mathis, of course!  What I love specifically about this rendition of this song is the same thing that I love about The Drifters' version of White Christmas: the unabashed, full throttle passion of the singer.  While this song is fantastic in its own merit, and I love the bouncy joviality of it, just do me a favor and listen to the last 15 seconds.  Johnny Mathis slays that note, and there's absolutely nothing half-assed about it.  Plus, this was likely recorded in a time (also like the Drifters' piece) where they weren't necessarily able to stop and re-record in the middle of phrases, and I respect them so much more for having to do complete takes with crazy accuracy.  Nowadays, singers can go measure by measure, hell, even beat by beat until they get it, or just slosh their way through a piece and correct it with auto-tuning later.  Props to you, Johnny Mathis, for killing it on probably the first take, and not backing away from a crazy powerful high note ending, despite having likely exhausted yourself singing the whole song with unmatchable gusto.

Thanks for reading, and again, let me know if you have others you think I missed!  Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Font Nazi

My husband and I tend to be Font Nazis, or Font-zis- if you will.  I tend to utilize a variety of fonts for certain occasions, while he is more the tried-and-true-stick-to-the-seven-original-fonts kind of guy.  He often chastises me when I use a font that looks lovely, but is less than easy to read, while I openly criticize his lack of creativity regarding font selection.  Can you tell which is the computer engineer and which is the music teacher?  Anyway, regardless of our aesthetic word art preferences, it is plain to see that we are both hypersensitive to the font choices- for better or for worse- of businesses, restaurants, web pages, and the like.  Some venues, like the blogging world for example, give you a limited selection of fonts with which to type, leaving the user with a much smaller arsenal of resources.  The average person using any given word processing program, or photographic manipulation program, however, has the sky as the limit regarding font use.

The following fonts seen below are much like the force; some may be used for good, while others for evil.  Take a look at them and see where you fall on the list of 16 Font Nazi Offenders.

I didn't care enough/have the time to change from the default font.  I'm probably rushing to get something done to meet a deadline.

hi!!!  i don't like to b taken srsly w/ professional work!!!

Too seriously, I take my work.  Implied infringements on copyrights, I also don't mind.





This one time, I thought about being a horror novelist.  Then I realized I couldn't write worth a damn, and was just ultra inspired by the Goosebumps-like nature of this font.

I don't have time to sign this document, so I will select the swirliest font imaginable to trick people into thinking I did.

I wish it was still 1930.

When you read this document, I want you to have the sinking feeling that a velociraptor is lurking in your office fern...

The hipster cousin of Times New Roman, it's the slightly cooler font to use for typing formal documents.

I still write like a fourteen year old girl.  Oh, and you're reading this on My Little Pony stationary.

I am struggling to get my final paper in on time, and I am completely desperate to meet the page length requirement.

I, too, am struggling to get my final paper in on time, and I am subtly desperate to meet the page length requirement.

Nothing I type is important enough for you to be able to read it.

I was one of only eleven people that actually liked the old school Macintosh font.

I want this letter to appear hand written, but don't really feel like hand writing it.

I want this poster heading to appear much more profound than it actually is.




Man, my customers will probably actually believe that this menu is made out of papyrus with this super believable font!

I love me some fonts, and I have probably used all of these "offenders" at one point or another.  All fonts, much like alcohol and Butterfinger candies, can be used well if done in moderation.  So font, wisely, fellow Font-zis.  Font wisely, indeed.

Song Lyrics that Make No Sense

Hey y'all.  I always have Blogger's Guilt when I take a long break, so I feel it necessary to update you on things that have kept me away.  Necessary?  Is it Necessary for me to drink my own urine?  No, but it's sterile and I like the taste.  (Bonus points if you can name that movie)  Anyway, so I can sleep at night, here are the top three things that have kept me away these past few weeks:

1) Grad classes
2) Assessment Building Workshops
3) Writing my thesis paper

Now that my confession is out of the way, we can move on sans guilt to the actual meat of my post: Song Lyrics that Make No Sense.  If you have ever listened to contemporary music, the notion of this idea is not foreign to you.  TONS of songs have lyrics that, when viewed under a slightly more analytical scope, don't really make sense.  While some lyrics are more overt with their inability to communicate to intellectuals, others are sneakily hiding their ridiculousness under pseudo-proper grammar and may make sense on a surface level, but not when applied to the societal rules of how we as human beings are asked to live.  Here is a small list of some of the most well-known offenders of this crime, complete with video entertainment.

Turn Down for What - DJ Snake and 'Lil Jon
Despite the fact that this song is fairly infectious when it comes on in clubs or parties, the question on everyone's minds seems to be "What does that even mean?"  Its super ambiguous title, which- might I add- are the only words to the song, (minus 'fire up that loud, another round of shots', an eleven syllable phrase that 'Lil Jon successfully mutates to nine) paired with its strong beat and predictable (yet minimal) orchestration makes people initially interpret this song as a powerful party anthem a la LMFAO's "Shots" or Usher's "Yeah".  Eventually, though, the brain cells kick in and one realizes that, unlike the aforementioned songs, this one has no story, climax, or real point whatsoever.

Despite the aforementioned qualms with this song, here is the bone-shuddering reality I am really exposing here.  Below you will find an audio video of the song.  Click ahead to 2:25 and tell me what you hear.  Go ahead, I'll wait...

Yeah, you heard right.  Flipping' jingle bells.  As if this song wasn't bad enough as is, someone felt the need to add sleigh bells to this unequivocal masterpiece of loud noises and screeching synthesizers that merely repeat the previous theme up an octave.  What genius, what avant garde musicianship!  (P.S.- you're welcome I didn't post the actual video.  While its ridiculous characters and crude dancing, which have no common theme or relevance to anything, actually sort of fit the off-base and pointless lyrics, it will give you nightmares)

Time of Our Lives - Pit Bull and Ne-yo

The introduction to this video highlights some people that have fallen on financially hard times, leading you to believe that the song might have some level of poignancy to its lyrics.  On the contrary, the song goes in a much different direction, stating: "I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago.  I work my ass off, but still can't pay it though.  But I've got just enough to get up in this club, and have a good time until my time is up." 

What is the inner monologue, here?

  

Friend 1: "Damn, man, our rent's gonna be late AGAIN.  We'll probably get evicted soon."

Friend 2: "Yeah that sucks, bro"

Friend 1: "Hey, how much you got?  Instead of paying our landlord what little money we have, to show good faith that we will pay them when we get the rest, let's spend it on an overpriced cover charge, buy expensive drinks, and throw money at some scantily clad women!"

Friend 2: "Hell yes."

Before you ask, yes I've been broke, and yes it sucks.  The one thing that being broke kind of taught me, strangely enough, was an element of money management.  I'm not great at it, but the general rule of thumb I try to abide by is the golden rule of money management: Don't spend what you don't have.  If you owe someone rent, the money you earn from whatever you do is owed to them, and therefore not yours to spend on liquor and strippers.  Sorry, Pitbull, that's just the way the world works.

Somebody - Natalie La Rose and Jeremih
I have to say that after watching this video, I have a minor girl-crush on Natalie.  She is an incredible dancer, and is stunning to boot.  She reminds be a lot of Aaliyah, too (whom I always loved) so my apologies, Natalie, for the less than stellar review of your lyrics.

First, let's just get it all out right now: this is a terrible cover of what was an iconic Whitney song, R.I.P.  I'm just not a fan, despite the song being catchy as hell, but that's not really what I'm getting into today.  There are a lot of weird things going on here with lyrics, the first being her name right out the gate at :03 in.  Can she not flip her "r"s or something?  I literally had no idea what she was saying for about seven straight months until I watched the video and figured out it was her name.  Coming from someone who struggled to just pronounce an "r", let alone flip or roll one, I feel your pain, but the simple solution is to just NOT ANNOUNCE YOUR NAME AT THE BEGINNING OF YOUR OWN DAMN SONG.  Yes, Jason DeRulo, this is geared toward you as well.

The second issue I have is her breakdown in the bridge at 2:14.  Here's a taste of the depth of her lyricism: "In the club like what, we be in the party in the club like what...We be in the city going dumb like what, in the club like what."

Wow.  Just, wow.  How those lyrics speak to me.

Third problem.  At 1:48 (and other places) she sings "And when they try to make us leave we turn and say we're never going home".  Natalie, this is bad for at least two glaring reasons:

1)  We're never going home?  So, you're going to live there, in the club huh?  What are you going to eat, pretzels and bar chex mix?  Just drinking alcohol and soda non stop?  Sleeping on the disease ridden floor or in the vermin-infested basement.  Make better life choices, friend.

2)  Pretty sure you can get arrested for refusing to leave a bar.  Just ask this guy.

I Love It - Icona Pop and Charlie XCX
Similar to "Turn Down for What" this song has minimal, well, everything.  It does have semblance of a verse, a chorus, and a bridge, but its musical diversity stops there.  Lots of distorted bass and predictable orchestration...GAH!  Sorry.  This is not why I'm here...

Lyrics, people.  They just don't make sense.  Let's first analyze the insanity of the verse, around :34 in, shall we?  "I crashed my car into a bridge, I don't care.  I love it."  What are you, a Hilton or a Kardashian?  How can you crash your car and not care about it?  The average person does not have enough money to just wreck a car in hopes to pay for a new one that they like better.  Oh, except for this idiot.  These ladies are either sociopaths, or just insane, neither of which is preferable.  Let's just all agree to not run our cars into bridges, and that if we do, we will actually care about it, deal?  Deal.

Here's problem number two at 1:19-"You're from the 70s, but I'm a 90s bitch."  Let's just be kind of conservative and say he was born in 1977 and she was born in 1993.  That is still a sixteen year difference in age.  All her problems likely began with her hastiness in choosing to date someone much older than she without realizing they had very little in common.  I don't know about you, but if I had a 22 year-old, I wouldn't be thrilled if she was dating a 38 year-old.  (As a side note, I would be less thrilled if she crashed her car into a bridge...and didn't care)

Love in this Club - Usher and Young Jeezy

Ok, so these lyrics do make sense, Usher, I'll give you that.  But can we talk about the issues involving some of the lyrics you provide, particularly at 4:02?  "On the couch, on the table, on the bar or on the floor"  I'm going to assume with your celebrity status, Usher, that you've been in many more clubs than I, but have you thought to investigate these surface areas thoroughly?  All of them are usually sticky from drinks, and full of germs.  Sounds like a great place to roll around naked, right?  Ew.  Can we also discuss how unsafe it is to do the deed on the floor of a club just for fear of not getting trampled by a Jumanji-like stampede?

Lastly, the most obvious reason why the whole premise of this song is just a really freaking bad idea, is that it is illegal to do in public.  Don't believe me?  Ask these people.

I know there are many more lyrics that are mucho bizarre in many other songs.  Send your suggestions my way and maybe I'll make a second installment.

Peace!

P.S. - The movie was Dodgeball...I just saved you an IMDB trip.

Draw something…ANYTHING…please?

For those that know me very well, especially when I was in my high school days, I am a bit of a conscience-prude.  Meaning, I don't like to cheat.  Like, ever.  I'm also a particularly poor liar, so these two personality traits are likely linked.

Anyway, when I play a game- be it real life or virtual- I am both in it to win it, and an honest player.  Unless it's No Limit Hold 'Em, or other games in which being dishonest is a strategy toward winning.  It is no surprise, though, that I have run across a wide gamut of cheaters in my day.  Whether it be students on homework assignments scrambling to get them done, or online randies that choose to duke it out in Words with Friends, I run across my fair share of people who want things done quickly, and not necessarily with any quality or effort involved.

With homework, I get it.  I don't condone it, obviously, but there's a lot riding on assignments and oftentimes students are overbooked and don't get things done.  Although the mature thing to do is be up front with your teacher, I can completely rationalize the thought process behind why someone would cheat or copy on their homework assignments.  I do NOT, however, understand why a consenting adult selects, downloads, and plays a game application for sheer pleasure/stress release/competitive outlet…and then chooses to play dishonestly.  Straight up makes no sense.  You want to play with others?  For fun?  And then cheat?  Por que?

I got 99 problems, but fluff ain't one

If you do not already know me, I- like most people- am chock full of problems.  Don't lie, you have them too, as does Brangelina and even the saintly T-Swift.  So instead of talking (typing?) your ear off about issues I have, let me tell you a little bit about something that I have in abundance and makes my life better, softer, and an all around safe and wonderful place to exist: fluffy stuff.

This might turn into a mini confession of a moderate hoarder, but hear me out: fuzzy things have never, or maybe rarely, hurt anyone.  Last time I checked, fuzziness was not one of the seven deadly sins (this I know for my other blog doth tell me so) and I'm not blasphemously praying to the holy grail of Pillow Pets, so I'm morally and ethically in the clear, here.  However, I want to invite you to take a glimpse into my world of fluff, for two reasons.  1) To brag about all my fluff-tastic glory, and 2) To hopefully connect with other fuzzy fanatics who may not feel like they have anywhere else to turn.  If you, or someone you love struggles with fuzzy addictions like I, please have them contact me and I can point them in the right direction.

Anyway, without further adieu, here's a glimpse into my eccentric, but very soft and plushy, universe…

I can't have pets in my apartment, but once I move,
you are first on my list, fluffy bunny.  Numero uno.

Food Horoscopes

For those of you that know me, it's not untrue that I can be a little clumsy.  Not in the "Oops, I tripped!" sort of way, although that does happen occasionally.  It's more so around food.  I have a theory that it's because I get really, REALLY excited about food, especially when it's food I like, since as a picky eater that is oftentimes hard to come by.

Anyway, another aspect of this food-love that I possess is due to the fact that, at work, I frequently work through, postpone, or altogether skip my lunch for the sake of beautiful music making with the little chilluns.  Worry not, faithful friends, I more than make up for it in my off-time.  As you can see though, the aforementioned create this perfect recipe (no pun intended) for my absolute, overwhelming satisfaction when I am able to sit down and enjoy eating my lunch at school.  I'm practically skipping in the hall making up a theme song about lunch consumption, and that is actually not an extreme exaggeration, if you know my impromptu song-making fascination.

Needless to say, when I drop food/miss my mouth/spill things/ I get pretty devastated.  Not like, "Hulk SMASH" angry, but just genuine disappointment.  Sort of like her…

I know, first world problems, but gurrl, I can relate.  Here's a prime example: the slew of students that 

CAUTION!

For quite some time now, I have gotten a sick sense of pleasure out of providing my own narrative to caution signs.  I don't know when it started, exactly, but I think it was some time in college.  Regardless, there is something about the necessary vagueness of said caution signs that makes them particularly vulnerable to manipulation, on varying degrees.  Here are some of the winners I have selected, and opted to share with you, my glorious audience.  Feel free to comment or message me with your own interpretations of these -or other- gems.

Category 1: Generic Caution Signs

Ummm, ok.  Is this addressing immigration?  Kidnapping, perhaps?  Marathon runners?  It's a little unclear to me, so I investigated and this is just your run of the mill pedestrian crossing sign.  Except it's on steroids.  These pedestrians GOT PLACES TO BE.  Barefoot, might I add.  Can I also ask why their fearless leader is looking AT THE GROUND?  When has that ever resulted in a high amount of success crossing the street?  The perk to this sign is that the persons included are wearing clothes.  I give it a 3/10.

Again, I will award bonus points for the clothing aspect of this sign, and I will admit it is a step up (see 

2010 Engadget Awards

Don't feel bad, I haven't heard of this event either.  It was just my unexpected day off and on-line stalking that forced be to run across this topic.

Now, before I begin my dissection of this awards ceremony, I have to start out by saying I hat my 'Shift' key.  I have not been able to adequately record my frustrations of said keyboard attachment, but I really can't take it anymore.  It's severely busted, and every time I try to fix it (by constantly pressing the key) my computer whigs out with that noise I can only describe as the noise one would hear constantly blaring from the subwoofers of Hell.  I swear, no volume control setting made by man can stifle it and it is unpredictable as to when, in my shift pounding frustration, it will occur.  Which is nice, because then I only have to poop my pants sometimes.

Anyway, I found this article that discussed the different kinds of technologies used to assist us and how they are rated.  Now, me not being a technology buff, I only really recognize some of the categories, but I figured I would share with you the site at which you can visit to vote (useful information), and also my insight as to what some of the winners should be (not useful information).  Enjoy!


Cellphone of the Year - So this is obviously biased, but I'd have to say the Samsung Alias 2.  This is mainly because, in a fit of frustrated rage, I set mine on top of my car to fix my battery, and thus drove off in my car whilst the Alias 2 was flung off my vehicle into an unknown location.  It's like the person you dated, and then they left without having known how you really felt.  A very Nicholas Sparks-ish tale...

Smartphone of the Year - The BlackBerry, duh.  I believe they have taken it a step FURTHER than smart phone to actually a degree phone, because unless you have a degree you can kiss your chances of ever learning how to use a BlackBerry goodbye.

Desktop of the Year- I didn't know they still made these...

Laptop of the Year- Mac.  Mac.  Anything Mac.

Netbook of the Year- Mead, 3 subject, college ruled, blue cover with flaps on the inside.  Oh, that says Netbook....

Digital Camera of the Year- Anything but the Kodak CD33-1

E-reader of the year - I don't know, I know everyone loves these things and all, but what are we going to do to protest inappropriate texts in the future?  Burning Kindles is so NOT going to be as cool as burning books.

Game Console of the Year- Wii.

Game Accessory of the Year- The headset that has now allowed adults to CONVERSE with the children that beat us in Halo.


GPS Device of the Year- Anything that doesn't land me in a small African village while on my way to the mall will do.  They're all about the same...unless they've made one that can make a killer latte.

Home Entertainment Device of the Year- American Idol.  I don't think there comes a more valid form of Home Entertainment than watching the preliminary rounds of auditions.  "PANTS ON THE GROUND!"

Robot of the Year- Okay, this is kind of creepy.  A) What constitutes as a robot, and B) Who owns one?  Can I just say Bi-centennial man and move on?  Thanks.

Storage Device or Technology of the Year- Is it just me, or does this award seem to acknowledge two COMPLETELY different concepts?  Storage device- backpack.  Technology-Apollo 11.  Are these two things similar?  I think not.

Wearable Device of the Year- Any cellphone, because let's face it- nobody ever freaking puts them down.  They might as well have 50 Cent endorse some kind of ridiculous, tricked out chain for the newest line of phones, because I think the next step is just flat out strapping them to our heads.  Might as well make it a fashion statement while we do it.

So...don't let MY well-rounded and extremely thought out opinions influence your decision, vote for yourself!

Ridiculous Random Story #1

Hello again,

Throughout this blog, much like throughout my life, you will probably find a sprinkling of random stories.  Some might be recent, or long past, but for one reason or another I have felt the need to bring the story to your attention.  Some are clearly more ridiculous than others, but they all make me chuckle in some way.  So sit back, relax, and enjoy my first edition of the ridiculous randoms.

Ridiculous Random Story #1- Viggo-tastic


So...the day is like any other day:  I'm at my apartment trying to make myself presentable for my alter-ego profession as a hostess/waitress.  My mom (who works at the same place as I do) calls:

"Guess who's coming in tonight?"
Me: "The Wilcoxes?"  Har har.  You've GOT to know these people to find that even slightly humorous.
Mom: "No, Viggo Mortensen!  Are you hostessing?"
Me: "Yep."
Mom: "Make sure you look nice"

Thanks, Mom.  I'll try not to look skank-tastic for the celebrity who happens to be local.  Trying to accomplish this whilst my eye is inflamed, red and irritated thus forcing me to wear glasses from the ninth grade AND wearing a shirt that apparently makes me look like Jason DeRulo proved to be quite a conundrum.

                                                    J.D.                                                ME                                                    

...we could be twins.

Anywho, so sure enough I get in to work and there's the name on the reservation sheet.  "Mortinsen"  Uhhh, spell check anyone?  Good thing even Viggo isn't privy to the information (be it spelled incorrectly) in our reservation book.  As you can imagine, the hired help are buzzing with excitement...other than myself, who was given the daunting task of trying to find a way to seat a party of ten and a party of five on our soaked deck while it is sprinkling out without getting anyone wet.  Yay.

So he comes in at 5:52 (for a 5:45 reservation, but who's counting?) and they start to walk slightly past the "Please Wait to be Seated" sign.  Come on, he's a CELEBRITY!  So I say, "Ahem, two for dinner?"  The man speaks 5 languages and he can't read a sign in English?  Kidding, kidding.  They mention the fact that they have a reservation so I calmly seat them at table 8, the table coveted by many at the Riverside (including the Wilcoxes).

Shortly thereafter, I got to clock out and drink, so we chat at the bar about Viggo.  My boss is dying to know where Heraldo (Hidalgo) is.  Another regular patron at the bar is trying to figure out this movie Virgil (Viggo) was in where he played a bartender with a secret identity.  Meanwhile, my boss is being very persistent about the whereabouts of Hirago (Hidalgo) and where Viggaro (Viggo) keeps him.  You can see where this is going.  I sure did, so in attempts to save Viggo from 18 ridiculous questions upon leaving the restaurant, I attempt to retrieve the information off my phone...to no avail.  I was roaming, so the information did not get to me before Viggo got to the door.  As he walks by, the man at the bar struggling to remember the name of film turns to my boss and whispers "Is that him?", to which my boss simply nods.  So the man turns to Viggo and shouts from his bar stool, "Hey Virgo!  Virgo, come 'ere, I gotta ask you something."

... really?  

REALLY?!  Did he REALLY just call this multi million dollar grossing film star the WRONG NAME and beckon him over to his bar stool?  He sure did.  Instead of Viggo turning and walking away, since one could only imagine what the intentions of the bar patron were, he politely acknowledges his request and comes over.  The man asks him, "What was that movie you were in where you were the bartender with a secret identity?" to which he responds, "A History of Violence", and quietly walks away as the man at the bar turns to us telling us all about the movie and how great it was.  Awkward.

The moral of the story is...well, nothing.  But I know of many people at a non-celeb status that would have turned and walked away from this very sweet, although maybe a little socially awkward, man at the bar.  It just goes to show that kindness and gads of money are not mutually exclusive- although Viggo Mortensen certainly has both.

I'm going to eat a tuna melt now.  Ta ta!