As a teacher, going back to school triggers a lot of emotions that aren't present in my non-teacher friends' lives, and this is certainly not a complaint, as having the summer to spend with my family and baby has been incredible, to say the least. It's more like a feeling of empowerment-and-readiness-to-take-on-the-world-which-will-likely-be-diluted-by-the-time-Christmas-rolls-around, but let's stay positive, people!
If you search the inter webs, which on any given occasion can be a dangerous thing to do, there are a lot of people out there with feels about back-to-school mayhem. As I have a lot of experience with school (I mean, I AM going to be in school for the next couple of decades...) I figured this would be an appropriate time to share some advice with you, be you a nervous student, anxious teacher, giddy parent, or neutral observer. Without further adieu, here are five things to keep mind of while preparing for this oh so magical time of the year:
1. Teachers are not the enemy.
Parents, this one's for you. Thankfully, I have had few negative run-ins with parents over the years, but they exist, and trust me when I say they are more emotionally draining and sleep depriving than even the most obnoxious of students.
Something about this generation (no, Millennials, this isn't actually a jab at you) of PARENTS has me quite perplexed. It seems that there is this notion that the teachers who are there to educate, inspire, and sometimes -GOD FORBID- discipline your perfect cherubs are somehow culpable when said child gets into trouble. I know I am not a parent of a school-aged child yet, but I have been unnecessarily antagonized via e-mails and phone calls enough to be able to suggest a better way to go about student-teacher conflict.
- STEP 1 - talk to your child about the situation, and most importantly, know that this is ONE HALF of the story, and chances are, the least mature/honest half. Not trying to diss your baby, it's just science.
- STEP 2 - Approach the teacher in a neutral and friendly manner. While you are responsible for your precious baby (or two, or three, etc.) remember that they are responsible for dozens, possibly hundreds of students. While your child is important to the teacher, they are not MORE important than any other student, or the greater good of all students, so try to at least understand that perspective when communicating with them. Side note: the teacher is much less likely to get back to you ASAP if you appear rude, snarky, or aggressive when contacting them. Speaking from experience here, people. A concerned parent? I'll hear you out. Angry parent? No, thanks. I'll wait for you to simmer.
- STEP 3 - Make every effort to really listen to what the teacher is saying, and try to paint a picture of the full situation. Remember, you know your child better than the teacher (I hope...) and you will have a better idea of what is going on, but only AFTER you get both sides. Please know that the teacher does not hate your child, and does not wish them failure; it's just not a part of who we are or what we do (if you're in teaching for the right reasons, that is). Keep an open mind, and try to listen more than speak. You were given two ears and one mouth for a reason, use them in that ratio.
2. Be cool. Be YOU.
This one's for my students. I have found a new resurgence of the importance of this mantra after a recent school project was assigned regarding advice to your senior self. After I shared an alarming amount of pseudo-embarrassing senior pictures of myself on social media, I found that it was just as relevant as it ever was that we need to care so much less about how we are perceived. Social media, the news, cliques, magazines, advertisements and bullies all try to control how we feel about ourselves, and once you relinquish their ability to have that control, your possibilities are endless. I know that it is much easier said than done, but I can't explain the liberation you will feel once you stop caring. To put it in perspective: Do you know what sucks temporarily? Insecure people making fun of you because, well, they're insecure and probably jealous. Do you know what sucks permanently?
Regret.
Regret for not standing up for someone. Regret for not pursuing a hobby. Regret for hiding who you really are in favor of who you think people want you to be. It sucks, guys, and high schoolers are right in the thick of it. Kids are struggling to define who they are, and people are jumping down their throats left and right trying to manipulate and belittle their self-image. If YOU are the champion of YOU, and can see that people only bring you down as a temporary high for themselves, YOU will overcome the negativity. And probably be way cooler than them at your 10-year reunion.
This is a shout out for my teacher friends. Save for the year I was long-term subbing and living with my parents, I don't actually LOVE staying later than contract hours. Once you have a spouse and/or children, it's hard to be apart from them any longer than needed because of work. I get it. Humor me, though, and think about the most inspirational teacher you had. I know you have one, we all do. It's why we've taken this burdensome task of educating with pride, and forged ahead. Did that inspirational teacher leave every day at the bell? Did he or she repeat the same exact lesson plans year after year, with no diversity or expectation of change? Did they spurn creative questions and hinder any attempt at healthy, educational tangents and teachable moments? Did they consider you "just another number", and never cared about your personal growth alongside your academic nourishment? Chances are, the answer to most if not all of these questions is no. That's why that teacher rocked. What I'm getting at is, as I'm sure you know, we have the power to change the world. To inspire. To prepare. To challenge. Sometimes, the only way this can be adequately translated to student populations is to give a little bit more. Stay a bit later. Care a bit more. Volunteer a few more times. Attend a couple more school events or games. You know your children and your spouse, and you know what they need and can live with or without, regarding your work schedule. While always keeping a healthy family life at the forefront, try giving more to your students in ways that are meaningful to them, but doable for you. I promise, you won't be disappointed.
4. Empathize.
This kind of piggybacks off of point #4, and is definitely for errbody. When something goes on that is unexpected, usually unfavorably so, before you react, think: "Why is this person acting this way?" Unfortunately, in the middle of a lesson, we don't get much time to think before we have to react to a problem until the entire class is derailed, so this might have to take some time, and pattern-scavenging before the answer is realized. From my experience, people who consistently act out are desperately seeking attention. Realizing that isn't very helpful, but understanding why can be. When we put ourselves in someone else's shoes, we are able to better rationalize their behavior, which can make or break your relationship with a person. From my perspective as a teacher, it's simple: it's not about power, it's about understanding. As soon as you walk into a classroom intending to be judge, jury, and executioner, you've lost.
Let me be clear: the ability to rationalize one's behavior rarely makes their actions excusable, and you may still need to be firm and deal with consequences. However, in going forward, you now possess information that will allow you to better control, and possibly event prevent future instances of the offending action, and that makes all the difference.
5. Checkpoint!
Say what you will about teachers and their "measly 180 days of work", but until you've walked a mile in our orthopedic shoes (usually it's about five trips to and from the copier for me) it's not a fair assessment. It is a long and often arduous journey that feels like it will never end, and goes all too quickly at the same time. My point? It can be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so I try to pace myself and go month by month, sometimes even week by week if I need to, with various checkpoints of freedom. For example...the first checkpoint might be (if you need it) Columbus Day. "I've just got to make it to Columbus Day, and I'll be fine". Checkpoint #2 is Veteran's Day or Thanksgiving break, followed by Christmas break, and by that time we've already put in four months and the year is almost half done. Maybe this works better for some than others, but for me it breaks what is surely an unmanageably long year into manageable bite-size pieces, and that my friends, works for me.
I don't claim to be perfect. I know I don't have all the answers, but I feel like I can view school from multiple angles, and offer what is hopefully some useful advice that provides some clarity and objective points of view as we all embark on this exciting, but surely exhausting, 2017-2018 school year. Whether you be student, parent, or teacher, I wish you the best of all things this school year, and don't forget to get that b#^&% a yellow binder. (see below if you're confused)
