Ridiculous Random Stories #2, #3, and #4

So, Happy Belated Birthday to me!  In commemoration of 24 exciting years on earth, I visited my charming, handsome beau, Roberto, in Utica NY.  That may not seem like a thrilling destination trip, but I had my share of epic adventures.

RRS #2

So I woke up on Saturday the 19th, ready to go.  The news was on (I was in Clayton where there was cable TV) and apparently a crap-ton of snow had just descended upon all of Oneida County, and I bet you wouldn't need three guesses to determine which county I was headed toward.  Whatever- I live in Upstate NY, and went to school in Buffalo, so it really couldn't be any worse than anything I'd previously driven in, so I ventured onward, leaving myself enough time to get to the restaurant before Rob got home.

*Prologue* Since Valentine's Day is always a week prior to my birthday I didn't get to see Rob, since he was working and I had school, so we were going to double dip and celebrate both holidays together.  My brilliant idea was to surprise him by randomly (to him at least) bursting into song in the middle of dinner.  I picked out the song and restaurant, made the CD and the reservation, and was ready to surprise the pants off of him!

Back to the journey...so I'm on the road in Lowville, and the roads aren't GREAT, but they certainly aren't awful.  Whilst driving behind a silver Toyota, I find myself second in a very long line of vehicles behind a very slow snow plow.  I am the first one to enjoy being behind a plow when in cataclysmic conditions, but on a 55 mph road going 25 mph, I was getting a little restless, as were the eight or so vehicles behind me.  The SUV on my tail actually pulled into oncoming traffic for a wee bit to see if he could pass myself, Toyota (that's her name for now) AND the plow.  Realizing that that wasn't probably the best idea, I figured I would attempt to make the passing instead, since the vehicle ahead of me wasn't initiating anything.  In fact, Toyota had applied the brakes twice while behind the plow, so I was very inclined to think Toyota had vehicle problems.  Anyway, before I got the chance to pass, Toyota passed, and I followed.  Hooray!  The roads were, again, not treacherous, and we drove a comfortable distance apart for the next 20 minutes or so, until we reached the light in Lowville where route 12 takes a right.  The light is green.  Toyota stops, parks, and gets out of her vehicle, and approaches Pheobe (the name of my PT Cruiser).  I'm thinking "Crap, something is wrong with my vehicle and she's going to inform me about it...I hope it's not expensive..."  I roll down my window and she says something similar to the following:

"Do you know what tailgating is?  Do you realize that you were tailgating me the entire time?  Where did you expect me to go?  WHERE was I supposed to go?  You know, I have two pieces of precious cargo in my car- they are called my children, and I don't feel like sliding off the road and endangering their lives because you don't know how to drive!..."

Ok, woah.  Is this really happening?  Is this woman REALLY chewing me out for something that A) I didn't realize I was doing because when people are stuck behind slower moving vehicles they tend to be closer together and B) I believe she is exaggerating because I was no closer to her than anyone else was to each other.  Woah!  So, I calmly interrupt her and say (realizing her intent with the braking)

"I'm sorry, I apologize if you thought I was driving too close.  But I also don't think brake-checking me is the way to solve the problem"  (Oh yeah, the light is still green)

"I only TAPPED ON THEM!" I think she should have to pay for the portion of my steering wheel that she charred with the flames that erupted from her mouth when she screeched those words.

The rant continues about my poor driving skills, her poor babies (that are sitting in an unlocked, parked Toyota at a green light.  What precious cargo.), my insensitivity and accusations of me being the antichrist and eating babies.  Okay, I exaggerated some of that, but I definitely got that vibe.  So, I interrupt again,

"Again, I aplologize if I was too close to you, but right now we are holding up traffic at a-"

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!  You need to learn how to freakin' drive!  Where on earth was I..."

Wow.  Stupid me for trying to be logical.  Clearly we can conclude the following from this flamboyant situation:

1) I am a bad driver, and thrive on frightening and endangering the lives of others, especially children.
2) I exhibit signs of road rage.  Ha.
3) I am an irrational driver who cannot remain calm, thus resulting in road rage. (See number 2)

Okay, again I am exaggerating, because to be honest this situation plagued me all the way to Utica.  I felt like total garbage, and for those of you who know me- you KNOW how bent out of shape I get when I feel like I have upset someone.  So I played this awful situation back and forth in my mind, fantasized about saying what I REALLY wanted (and that is why I have a blog) and came to the conclusion that I handled the situation exactly how I wanted to, and should have.

I'm not going to say that I wasn't tailgating her, and I'm not going to say that it was right to do so just because the line of nine or so vehicles behind me were doing the same; I am NOT a perfect driver.  However, can we agree that this woman was being really delusional and a little bonkers by getting out of her car and chastising me like a puppy that peed the rug?  I mean, she is a LUCKY woman to be able to chew out a driver that pissed her off- how many times do we encounter someone who we think should re-evaluate their ability to operate a vehicle, and we just have to slam on the brakes, honk our horns and deal with it.  If we stop and approach everything that we find distasteful in the world with the attitude she exhibited, we're going to find ourselves in a very overprotective, negative, and sometimes just illogical frame of mind.  Sometimes it's just best to move on and get over it.  So, Toyota, please move on and get over it.

RRS #3

So I get to Utica, and stop at the restaurant to make a reservation and set up the surprise.  I picked out a secluded table, dropped off the CD and the valentine, and went on my merry way.  I had to stop at Family Dollar to kill some time, and I realized I hadn't gotten Rob a Valentine's day card.  Even though it was a good week after the holiday, they still had one card left.  It was hot pink and two and a half feet tall.  Well, if I'm going to embarrass Rob I might as well go all out, so I bought it.

So Rob finally got home from work, and I gave him his card and he gave me Battlestar Galactica seasons one and two.  AMAZING!  I told him that we should probably get ready for dinner, and he kept asking where we were going, but I wouldn't tell him.  So then my phone rings, and in my fit of laziness I ask Rob to tell me who it is...aaaand it's the restaurant where we are supposed to be dining- no more surprise there.  Apparently, the CD I gave them won't work, and I have to give them suggestions on how to fix it in Rob's zero privacy apartment in a discreet enough manner that he won't know what's going on.  So I get off the phone and he says "What are you planning?"  Fail.  I tried to lie my way out of it, but he most definitely wasn't convinced.  He had also just helped me figure out how to put AA batteries in the camera I borrowed to document this epic event, so he definitely put two and two together.

So I don't get another phone call from the restaurant, and I hope that means they fixed it, so we headed out to dinner.  We hadn't gotten our salads yet, so I figured this was the perfect time to sing.  Alas, after I excused myself for the restroom (which I almost never do at dinner) the CD still didn't work, so they said to come back in two minutes and they'd see if they could get it on the bar stereo.  Well, halfway through my salad, the bar music cuts out and an obnoxiously loud recording of the song I was to serenade him with blared from the bar.  Rob asks me what's going on, and I hastily look at my salad and say "How would I know?"  Cover blown.  I excuse myself AGAIN (he must think I have IBS...) and the manager decides to set up some dessert wines at the bar and have me do it there.  So Rob and I have a seat at the bar, start to sip the wine and...cue music?  What...wait!  I only have two beats of music before I come in!  So I get up, grab the valentine, ask them to start the music over, and serenade him awkwardly at the bar. 

So, there was no real surprise, but it worked out and is recorded for your viewing pleasure.

Afterward, we got to enjoy a flaming banana dessert in the company of a very ditzy bartender who asked me, "Wow, so you like, wrote that song for him and performed it for him?"  I had to explain that, no, I did not write it, but Elton John did (Your Song), to which she replies to Rob, "Ohhh.  You must've felt kind of dumb, you probably should've had, like, an engagement ring ready or something!"  Wow...does she want to single-handedly ruin my relationship with her idiotic remarks?  We just laughed it off and ignored her.



RRS #4: 

So, pretty full weekend, huh?  It gets better!  Monday was my birthday, and I got to pick whatever we wanted to do that day!  So what did I decide to do?  Pass out.  That's right folks, I straight up fainted on my birthday.  Thank goodness Rob was there to (gently) slap me to consciousness (which he still feels really bad about).

Hands down, it was definitely the most memorable birthday I've had. :)