Losing two things that were so instrumental to building my current identity in such a short order was a bit of a shock, but one that I was able to manage in bite-size pieces, and handle as well as one could be expected to handle it. Being that I can't do either justice in just one post, I figured I would separate my thoughts in parting with two of the greatest passions I have had the pleasure of pursuing. I give you Part I: The Miss Thousand Islands pageant.
I don't really even know where to begin, but strangely enough, I think beginning at the end is the most apropos. After this past Miss New York Competition the Miss Thousand Islands Pageant submitted a press release explaining our decision to dissolve as an organization. I had many people reach out to me to see how I felt about it, but to be completely honest I had some knowledge of this ahead of time, and was able to prepare for it. If you're a pageant junkie like me, you will also know that the Miss America Competition has had a rather tumultuous year and a half, and in my heart I don't know how much longer this iconic organization is going to be able to keep its head above water. I'm hoping for the best, but realistically, expecting the worst. I have a lot of feelings about this, and maybe I'll address them in a later post, but for now I think it's time to back track to the beginning, and help you to understand why the elimination of this organization from my plate is so monumental.
I suppose the best way to do this is to take you through my journey, and show you how much of my life has been shaped by this "hobby" of mine. I have been a part of pageantry in just about every capacity from 2004 until present day, so as a 32 year old that means pageants have consumed about half of my existence. I can't begin to imagine how different my life might look if not for my involvement in pageantry- the Miss Thousand Islands Organization specifically. A roommate, bridesmaid, co-executive director, mother-in-law, husband (and thereby family, including my two babes) have all come into my life as a result of reluctantly saying "yes" to my first pageant 15 years ago, and I don't know that I'll ever be able to give back all of the blessings I've received along this crazy journey of hairspray, butt-glue, and lots of fabulous memories.
So, continue onward if you dare, and enjoy the pictorial evidence of my cosmetic failures throughout the years.
Miss Thousand Islands 2005
- Placement: Non-finalist (probably dead last)
- Growth: Have you ever taken an algebra test without having first taken an algebra class? That's what this experience felt like, and despite me having absolutely no idea what I was doing or why I was doing it, I knew I did it all terribly. I wanted and desperately needed to try again, to prove to myself I wasn't as epic a failure as I felt.
- Summary: Where there is a steep learning curve, there must also be perseverance.
Miss Thousand Islands 2006
- Placement: Second-runner up (hold your applause, there were only five contestants)
- Growth: I still didn't know how to walk on stage properly, but I felt more comfortable in interview this time, having done it once before. I felt like I was getting more comfortable performing talent on stage in a pageant environment, rather than my strict NYSSMA/audition environment.
- Summary: Baby steps, but progress.
Miss Thousand Islands 2007
- Placement: Non-finalist (perhaps pageants just aren't my thing...)
- Growth: It's not in the bag, and being close to winning one year does not guarantee anything in future years. I feel like I changed a lot about what I did, but was it for the right reasons? I performed what I thought people wanted to see and hear, and phoned it in a bit because I thought I had an advantage. Indeed, I did not.
- Summary: Don't combine talents, no matter how good you are at one or the other. It is just common sense that one, if not both, will suffer.
Miss Lancaster 2007
- Placement: Non-finalist (at least I am consistent)
- Growth: I attended college at Fredonia, and this was my first experience branching out from the Miss TI pageant. I learned that not all pageants are the same, but they can offer different opinions and perspectives. I also debuted a more classical/operatic performance rather than jazz songs and show tunes.
- Summary: Don't enter a pageant after a bad breakup, and know who Dick Cheney is.
Miss Western New York 2007
- Placement: 3rd Runner Up (applaud like mad...there were more than five contestants)
- Growth: This was the first top five placement I feel like I really earned, and I was so proud of myself. I was probably the least physically polished of all the contestants (note the ill fitting dress, and add to it the fact that girls backstage were helping me apply lip liner, and my hair was as flat as my 7th grade chest) but I had a great interview, and I answered my on-stage question (which was probably the worst on-stage question I've ever been asked) candidly and eloquently.
- Summary: To thine own self be true...but lip liner and voluminous hair are still important.
Miss Thousand Islands 2008
- Placement: Miss Thousand Islands 2008 (Huzzah!)
- Growth: With the experiences I gained from other organizations, I felt like I was a melting pot of pageantry advice, and after having earned my first top five placement I felt strong. Maybe I wouldn't necessarily win, but I felt that I would do well and be proud of my progress. This was also the first time I sang with more classical technique at my hometown pageant, and it was very surprising to most that I was able to do it. In hindsight, it's probably what I should have done from the get-go. I had a very honest and casual interview with the judges (one of whom would become my future mother-in-law) and I felt good about the "me" that the judges got to see.
- Summary: I felt calm, in control, and effortless. There was still room for improvement, but I was finally showcasing the most genuine version of myself, and it felt good.
Miss New York 2008
- Placement: Non-finalist
- Growth: I loved each and every girl I got to know at Miss New York, and I felt like I prepared as best I could. I knew exactly how I wanted to answer each question, and felt like I knew myself well. What I was not prepared for was the style of the interview, which was very intense, and geared to see who could handle the psychological pressure of a tough interview. It was unlike anything I'd experienced, and I stumbled over an easy question that I had a great response to. I asked them to repeat the question, and knew that it cost me any chance I had at placing, but I learned more about interview in those 10 minutes than I had in the past four years of pageant prep, and it was a very valuable lesson. I was also too intimidated and shy to really act like myself around the contestants, and most of my experience feels like I was an outsider looking in. I didn't want to say or do anything that made me appear unfit to wear the crown, so unfortunately, I didn't say or do much at all. In hindsight, I wish I had the confidence to truly be myself, just for the sake of getting the most out my experience.
- Summary: The crown is meant to fit the girl, not the other way around.
Miss Finger Lakes 2009
- Placement: 2nd Runner Up
- Growth: After my experience at Miss NY, I felt SO ready to explore other talent selections of a classical nature. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't "sandbagging", but I was a voice major with classical training, and for the average pageant contestant, that's a pretty nice advantage in the talent department. I picked a mezzo-soprano aria, "Habanera" from Carmen, and performed in a fun red gown. It was well-known, relatively easy to learn, and didn't require me to spend hours in the practice room mastering difficult technique. Lo and behold on pageant day, we find out that the judging panel has not one, but TWO opera singers on it. For real!? Everyone thought I was excited about it, "Wow, that's awesome for you, right?!" Ummm, no? If you were demonstrating karate as a talent, would you want to be evaluated by Bruce Lee? All things considered, I did well, but they did seek me out afterwards to say "Yeah, you need to be singing actual soprano literature that is much more challenging than this". Busted.
- Summary: Just because something comes easily to you, it does not mean you shouldn't put in the maximum effort.
Miss Southeast NY 2009
- Placement: 3rd Runner Up
- Growth: This was the furthest I had ever traveled to compete in a local, and while I was kind of terrified to be competing in an area I had never before been to, I was also excited. It was all kinds of new at every corner, and was a really fun production to be a part of. I think I was trying too hard to be what I thought the judges wanted, and while I was very proud of my placement, I also almost placed face-first onto the stage in swimsuit because I got a little excited about my French turn.
- Summary: You don't have to march to the same beat as everyone else. It also doesn't hurt to get your dress tailored...
Miss Thousand Islands 2010
- Placement: 1st Runner Up
- Growth: This was the first Miss Thousand Islands pageant I was eligible to compete in since my reign in 2008, and I was so excited to get back on the Opera House stage as a contestant. In hindsight, this was probably the most authentic self I presented to a judging panel since the year I won, and I felt really great on stage. While I didn't walk away with the crown, I was really happy and at peace with my performance and placement.
- Summary: You don't have to feel like you're a failure just because you didn't win. I don't think there's anything I would have changed about my performance that day, but that doesn't mean I was the best choice.
Miss Finger Lakes 2010
- Placement: 4th Runner Up
- Growth: This pageant was a slew of ups and downs for me personally, and while I feel like I performed well overall, it just wasn't a great night. From wardrobe mishaps (completely my own fault, no sabotage whatsoever) to prop failures during talent, it just felt like I was going through the motions and wasn't actually enjoying myself. It was also the first pageant I had competed in while working full time as a music teacher, and I have to admit that it was a different experience trying to prepare while I had so much on my plate professionally. On the flip side, one of my dearest friends won, and was the only contestant in the top 5 who had not previously competed at Miss NY! I was so very excited for her that it really didn't matter how I felt anymore, and it was a perfect end to an exhausting weekend.
- Summary: Deserving something requires hard work...but also the right intentions. Striving to get a ticket to Miss NY while wearing a sash from an area that I did not have any ties to started to feel disingenuous to me. Each time I placed, I felt like I took a spot away from a girl who really wanted it for the right reasons, and I was brought back to how I felt in my many non-finalist moments at Miss TI. I decided I'd do one more Miss TI pageant before I aged out, and if it wasn't meant to be, I would forge a new path.
Miss Thousand Islands 2011
- Placement: 1st Runner Up
- Growth: This was the toughest pageant pill I had ever had to swallow, and I spent weeks feeling lousy and questioning myself. I just felt so strong on stage, and for the first time in my life, won a talent award! (Awarded by my future mother-in-law) Don't get me wrong, I was excited to place so high, but I had put all my eggs in this basket, and to have my pageant journey end so abruptly felt so...final. It wasn't until several months later that I realized several things:
- I had a plan. God had a different plan. God always wins. Does God even get involved with matters as menial as pageantry? Who knows. Regardless, I could mentally rationalize that winning again wasn't in the cards for me, and that there was another path in store, but I just couldn't immediately see it and I. Did. Not. Like. That.
- Follow-up: The Miss NY Pageant that year happened to fall during Regents week. As a full-time employee, you don't really get "pageant leave" and were I to have won, I would have likely had to either resign my title, or give up my job. Again: I had a plan, God had a better plan.
- God also had a plan for the lucky girl that walked away from that pageant the rightful winner. She has been an instrumental part of our organization and has given so much of her time and expertise to the Miss TI organization. There would be no complete #GoldenSisterhood without her in it.
- I. Was. Trying. Too. Hard. Thankfully, I'm good at using my failures as teachable moments to others. Onstage, I don't think I'd have changed anything, but my interview (while factually and grammatically on point) was aggressive and probably preachy. That's not who I was when I won three years prior, and that's not who deserved the crown that evening. All talent awards and points aside, I really wanted to win...but didn't truly deserve it. That was probably the toughest part to come to terms with, but is the truth.
- Summary: Life hands you lemons so that you can make lemonade. Maybe you don't want it, or even like lemonade, but you need it. So drink the damn lemonade, because it's good for you.
Miss Thousand Islands 2011-2013
- Placement: Board Member
- Growth: Hello from the other siiiiiiide! There was a substantial amount of growth earned in these three years, as I think I was the first Miss TI to serve on the board of directors. I learned so very much about the administrative side of things (i.e. the INSANE amount of work it takes to run a pageant...and to run it well) and I'd like to think that the board learned a bit about what it feels like from a titleholder perspective. I surmise that we both shaped each other in positive ways, and it was a fantastic opportunity to mentor and support each titleholder. It was also during this time (through pageantry, I might add) that I found my husband-to-be through my former judge and talent award donor, Deltra Willis. God does have a way of making things work out for the best! :)
- Summary: When you give back to those who have given so much to you, the rewards are endless. (No, I did not steal this from a fortune cookie)
Miss Central New York 2014-2015
- Placement: Co-Executive Director
- Growth: My dear friend Amy and I were discussing our pageant journeys one day, and had this crazy idea: 1) the Central New York region has little to no representation at Miss NY 2) We should be the ones to make it happen (despite the fact that neither of us have any ties to the CNY area whatsoever). While it was sad to leave the Miss TI board, it was an exciting, difficult, but very rewarding journey calling the shots in a new endeavor. We had two amazing young women and teens that we were able to work with as our titleholders, and we were able to offer the girls who competed with us a chance to learn, grow, and become better versions of themselves. To be honest, we wanted to make our own "Miss TI experience" and offer it to others, and while it was short lived and maybe could never measure up to the actual Miss TI standards, we were very proud of our organization.
- Summary: Flying solo, while terrifying at times, is filled with a plethora of learning experiences and opportunities for betterment.
Miss Thousand Islands 2016-2019
- Placement: Board Member
- Growth: At this point, I've run the full gamut. Contestant, titleholder, board member, auditor, judge, and executive director. Seeing the pageant world from nearly every perspective possible gave me such an appreciation for the entire process, and I was excited to be welcomed back home with open arms after our Miss CNY tenure had run its course. Working primarily with talent and production number music, I feel like I found my niche, and thoroughly enjoyed making backing tracks for the crazy-talented contestants, titleholders and performers that were a part of our productions. When I listen back to some of my first mixes, I cringe, but with the guidance of my superstar husband and my ears, I was able to improve exponentially with each task, and to this day I get immense satisfaction out of making backing tracks and arranging music.
- Summary: Well-roundedness, while maybe not the key to sheer excellence, is definitely one of the keys to success.
It's no coincidence that you see the Miss Thousand Islands Pageant in my timeline so often. If you ask anyone about the pageant, it is simply stated: it's the best. The Miss Thousand Islands Organization and its board of directors not only boasted being the longest consecutively run local pageant in New York, but it also cared deeply about its contestants, welcoming them all into their Golden Sisterhood regardless of where they come from, their experience, or their performance ability. While not every contestant that crossed our stage won, EVERY contestant felt loved, welcomed, and grew immensely from the time and dedication that the Miss TI board prides itself on bestowing upon each girl who chooses to compete.
You would be hard pressed to find an organization that is being run behind the scenes by a majority of former competitors and titleholders. There's a huge reason why we choose to volunteer, and it's because the things that we have gained, not just as competitors but as human beings, are things we could never repay the organization and its volunteers for. So we do what we can. No one walks away from the title of Miss Thousand Islands without having undergone a complete 180 makeover of their mind, heart, and soul, and to that we owe the board and volunteers (primarily Sue, Shelby, and Gary) more than we could ever give.
In fact, many of our personal, professional and familial successes can in some way be traced back to something we have gleaned through our pageant experience, and that is so much more than just bestowing a scholarship to a contestant and placing a sparkly tiara on a young woman's head. It's helping her forge her path. It's empowering her. It's teaching her that she is in control of her body and mind. It's changing her life.
To summarize how I truly feel about this organization would take a short novel, and I know that brevity is not my strong suit, hence this incredibly long post. To summarize how I feel about the Miss Thousand Islands Organization in less than 30 seconds? (Us pageant girls are great at this):
I have been changed for good.
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