*DISCLAIMER* I will apologize in advance if I slam one of your favorites. I mean not to spoil your Christmas joy, but I'd like to think that I have at least the semblance of a logical argument for my choices. You, naturally, are welcome to heartily disagree! Heck, I've even included a video for each song so you can at least try to level with me. :)
NAUGHTY PLAYLIST
10) Feliz Navidad
Let me preface this critique with the fact that this song happens to be one of my most favorite Christmas songs. Any time it comes on, I groove along shamelessly in my vehicle to the catchy, albeit repetitive, musical stylings of Jose Feliciano. Despite my personal approval (which should show my attempt at unbiased critiques) I do feel that this Christmas song- in addition to its highly repetitive nature- could have been written in about 2 1/2 minutes, rendering it the #10 spot on my list of Christmas songs that need to take a time-out.
9) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - The Pretenders
Oy. This one is just plain difficult to listen to. I want to be in your corner, struggling vocalist, I really
do, but the unnecessary scoops on nearly every word sound and the struggle to maintain a musical phrase with any semblance of breath support without wavering the tone and pitch just make me cringe. This is the music snob in me, yes, and although she nought often shows herself, she exists, and is present each and every time this song plays, which is waaaaayyyy more often than it should be.
8) Baby It's Cold Outside
Also another one of my favorites, but I think we can all agree that the date rape-y-ness of the lyricism is abundant, making this song jazzy, smooth, and super creepy.
7) Hey Santa
Another tongue-biter I suffer through. The singers are fine in terms of accuracy, but the refrain sounds like a seven-year-old girl is in the toy aisle at Target noisily bargaining for a Frozen Elsa doll. It is so incredibly whiny sounding that I just can't get behind it in a positive way and instead, mock it incessantly as the refrain struggles to sound like it is being produced by a post-pubescent woman.
6) Christmas Canon
This song is actually quite lovely, and despite my pseudo dislike for children's choirs appearing in holiday music for gimmicky purposes, I think this one is so close to actually pulling it off…until the end (2:38). "NIGHT ON THIS NIGHT ON THIS NIGHT ON THIS MERRY CHRISTMAS NIGHT!!" WOAH children, calm thyselves! It's not even that the countermelody is super loud, it's just that it sticks out so much in contrast to the rest of the song, and the melody of that segment sort of reminds me of the stereotypical "REE REE REE" of an old horror flick slash scene. Do me a favor and pretend that section is minor, and the words are instead, "KNIVES YES WITH KNIVES YES WITH KNIVES WE WILL MURDER YOU WITH KNIVES" Am I wrong? Maybe I'm just weird. Oh, and I love Trans-Siberian Orchestra, for the record.
5) Christmas Shoes
Ok, most of you have likely merely tolerated my naughty list so far, but this one is probably going to lose me some favor, so hear me out! This song has a beautiful message, is well performed, and the video and lyrics are both touching and emotionally charged. So why is it on the naughty list? Maybe because I have to PULL OVER AND SOB MYSELF INTO SUBMISSION EACH TIME I HEAR IT. It's waaayyyy too sad to be played as much as it is, and I'm going to again point out the gimmicky use of children in the chorus towards the end. Tsk tsk. Also, a slight problem I have with this scenario is the heartless oaf of a cashier that is going to not financially assist a boy whose mother is dying. "The cashier said, 'Son there's not enough here'" Fine, but then the cashier should have said, "But I'll spot you/you can pay me back when you get it/Merry Christmas they're on me" or something else to show that he's capable of emotion. For real? You're going to potentially let that kid leave your store empty handed?!? Shun. SHUUUUNNNNNNNN.
4) Santa Baby
This song is why men think women are high maintenance gold diggers starting December first. I love the song, but hate the message.
3) Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer
No. Just, no.
2) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
MAKE IT STOP! The voice. The lyrics. The unreasonable request. Make it all go away, please!
1) The Snowman
This is one my mother mentioned to me, and I laughed when she explained it, thinking she was exaggerating…but she wasn't. How does this song paint snowman suicide martyrdom in such a flippant, jolly light? I don't know, but it's going to make me lose sleep at night, and also give me nightmares once I do fall asleep. (lyrics here)
BONUS- O Holy Night
Listen to it all. All of the notes. Because it's clearly a deliberate botch, I couldn't in good faith add it to the legitimate list, but you're welcome.
NICE PLAYLIST
10) Mele Kalikimaka
Despite the fact that this song always reminds me of the mildly inappropriate and creepy scene from Christmas Vacation, I think it tried to do- in ways- what Feliz Navidad attempted and did it better. More diversity in the song, but still really catchy.
9) White Christmas - The Drifters
Okay, if you're not completely hooked by the "Doot doot…" intro and catchy rhythmic twist on an old classic, the second verse featuring the overzealous and very excited tenor part will get you every time. I. Love. It.
8) O, Holy Night - Celine Dion
This song is arguably one of the most recorded, and also one of the most popular songs of the holiday season, so it was tough to choose the one that I liked the best. While Josh Groban's version arrived at a very close second, I ended up selecting this one for several reasons that are actually pretty counterintuitive to things I normally gravitate to. One being that there is a children's choir inserted part way through, however, it works. I've heard versions of this with children's choirs, but what ends up happening is that the soloist overpowers and doubles the melody, making the kids' part pretty much inaudible, which doesn't happen here. I also like the transitions between her powerful belt, and her softer, breathier sections. I typically don't like overly breathy singing, but the beginnings of this song and her vocal qualities make it work. And that high note? Twice?? Get it, girl.
7) Any Pentatonix arrangement
I jumped on this bandwagon a few years back, before they were super popular but they were definitely hitting the ground running. I love just about every arrangement they have done, and they have released quite a few Christmas arrangements that I find superb. This one is probably my favorite of the ones that I've heard, but it doesn't hurt that I also love this song, a lot. What saddens me about this choice on my list? You'll pretty much never hear any of their stuff on the radio around Christmastime or otherwise. Boo.
6) The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole
As it turns out, this song actually is the most popular Christmas song, according to Casey Kasem's top 60 Christmas song countdown, and rightfully so. On the countdown they mentioned that the song was written in the summer on a blistering hot day in California, which is funny because when asked about the lyrics by Mel Torme, Bob Wells mentioned that he wrote them to mentally and visually cool off. Nat King Cole recorded the song in 1946, and there's something about his voice and the orchestral introduction that makes me love it a little bit more than other arrangements.
5) All I Want for Christmas is You - Michael Buble
I really like the original by Mariah Carey, hence the honorable mention, and I reaaallly like Michael Buble, so this is a no brainer. I think the arrangement he has is a beautiful and effective contrast to the original song, and doesn't really seek to re-invent the wheel so much as it creates something different and equally as enjoyable.
4) Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24
This might be the only Christmas song one can head-bang to. I don't hear it often enough on the radio, but the arrangement is just perfection, and I love that it is so different from the gads of lighthearted, major, fluffy Christmas songs.
3) Where are you Christmas - Faith Hill
I think a lot of people will look at my favorites list and assume that I don't really favor any older, traditional Christmas songs, and that I only enjoy contemporary music, which is very much untrue. I really enjoy a fairly high percentage of traditional selections, but the top five or so of my all time favorites happen to be more contemporary, and I honestly can't tell you why. I surmise that it has something to do with the intensity of the lyrics, mixed with the appropriate key changes, mixed with the obvious inflection and emotion. There's something about this song, and the following two, that just captures the essence of the holiday spirit for me without the need for candy canes, sleigh rides, and tangible gifts. While not all Christmas songs focus on the aforementioned, these ones so eloquently and deliberately don't, that maybe that's why I favor them?
2) Grown Up Christmas List
I remember the first time I heard this song I was fairly young, but it stuck with me fiercely. It's just the perfect blend of beautiful melody (and accompaniment), and heartfelt lyrics. My students sang this for their holiday concert last week, and made me tear up when they sang it, which maybe has influenced its place on the list. Despite many other performers creating arrangements of this song, and some even including snippets of military holiday wishes, this one holds a special place in my heart since it was the first version I had heard.
1) Believe
I got the opportunity to hear a handbell chorus perform this piece not long ago, and it rejuvenated this piece for me after I got tired of it for a while. Hearing Josh Groban's honey-like vocal cords intertwined with the subdued orchestra and delicious chords strewn about the refrain lands this song, and this version, the top spot. The message and lyrics are applicable to things beyond the season, although it was definitely meant for Christmastime. It's just gorgeous and gives me the warm fuzzies all over.
BONUS- All I Want for Christmas is You (Mariah Carey version)
I had to add this one because it is so iconic. When listening to Christmas radio stations, it's very infrequent that you will hear original music, as opposed to arrangements and various artists performing the standards. This one, and maybe some Beach Boys Christmas tunes, are really the only ones that come to my mind when I ask, "What are some artists' original Christmas songs that really broke the mold and made it "to the level" that the classics did?"
BONUS- Sleigh Ride
One of Andrew's and my first musical arguments was the quintessential whip crack in this piece, and whether it occurred on beat two, or the upbeat of beat one (fast forward to 1:07 for the section I'm talking about). He, being the gladiator of the latter point of view, lost with a valiant attempt as it clearly occurs on beat two here. HOWEVER- in the spirit of Christmas, I apologized to him today, as I have recently heard at least two other versions that whip crack on the upbeat of one. Instead of agreeing to disagree, we are literally still arguing about it as I am typing this sentence. True love. <3
Here's hoping that you got some knowledge/laughs/enjoyment/insight from my thoughts, and let me know what's on your naughty and nice Christmas playlist.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
P.S.- At church this morning, one of the deacons accidentally caught the advent wreath on fire, and I turned to my mother and said, "Too bad there wasn't a snowman to save us all…" I can't even make this stuff up. If you do not understand this reference, you failed to watch the video for my number one song on the naughty list. So listen to it. Now. Please. :)
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